This summer, I did a lot of things. Like going camping for four weekends throughout the season - something you heard a lot about here - and spending a week and a half at the end of August in Central Oregon, in one of my favorite places in the whole world (something you did not hear about even a little bit). My family made a triumphant return visit to Ren Faire after not being able to attend through the pandemic, I said goodbye to my sister and her longtime girlfriend as they moved to California, and I packed my little brother off and away to his sophomore year of college... and that was all just in August, too.
I orchestrated what ended up being a complete college-style course, full of weekly fifty-plus slide Powerpoint decks, grocery lists, and daily kitchen exercises, across ten full weeks, in order to teach my apartment-headed brother how to cook for the first time on his own.
I bought, approximately, a hundred books (Really more like twenty-something, but after a certain threshold, it doesn't really matter. Besides, fifteen of those - eleven from thrift stores, four from Barnes and Noble - were bought over the course of one day, for my bloggoversary, so all told, it was a lot).
I failed miserably at the Seattle Public Library Book Bingo for the second year in a row (Perhaps I should have spent more time reading books, and less time buying more of them?).
But also importantly, I read - or at least tried to read - five more novels from my Big Box o' Paranormal Romance. And let me tell you, that was no short order either. That's exactly what I want to tell you about today.
PROLOGUE // PART ONE // PART TWO
Strap in, people. This is going to be a bumpy ride.
june
#7. Out of Mind (Court of Angels #2), Stella Cameron
Two stars."She was no fool, and she'd spent enough time around families like theirs to know she'd been snaffled, and who she'd been snaffled by."
All in all, I'll say that it was different. Unique, kooky, surprising. And at no point was anyone ever referred to in a racially / sexist / etc.- charged, derogatory manner (which I cannot say for other Paranormal Romance I've read this year). And while there are some depictions of personal assault (something which served absolutely zero narrative purpose, and was kind of brushed off), it was substantially less than what else I've seen elsewhere, as well. So in comparison to some of the other stuff I've been reading recently, it wasn't too bad. Unfortunately, it also wasn't too good.
There were some fun things to comment on. There were loads of bizarre character names - like Bucky Fist, Dr. Blades, and Rock U. - and the main baddies can can be best summarized as "Evil Psychic Animorphs," changing into various alien-ified magical beings that look like a bearded vulture, giant lobster, and a bat.
However, I didn't have that good of a time. The plot was both linear, and bizarrely paced. Only the sheerest scrap of psuedo-plot held the two main characters apart from each other (and was reframed about fifty pages from the end to lend sympathy towards a completely separate character, who would go on to be another protagonist later on in the continued series). As the sequel itself in line in said series, it felt like a constant battle to parse out who characters were, let alone how they could possibly be connected to each other. The resolution felt expected and boring, which is really saying something, because it came at the tail-end of a masquerade-themed wake for a wealthy murder victim, as well as a three-way battle with a bunch of psy-powered shapeshifters.
And let's be real, I didn't like the characters. I didn't like the plot. If anything, one of the only things I liked was the writing style, bizarrely piecemeal and abstract and STRANGE. Lots of choices were made in this book, but at the very least, at least those choices didn't include some of the other severely questionable behavior I've seen in other Paranormal Romance.
july
#8. Dangerous Tides (Drake Sisters #4), Christine Feehan
Four stars."'I know what Harry and Sam said upset you, Ty,' Libby said. 'I have no interest in your money.'"
'That doesn't make me as happy as you think it would. If you were interested in money, I'd have something to offer you.'"
This book wasn't necessarily top-tier literature, but you know what it was? Fun. Zany. Unique. Compelling. Chock full of characters that made you want to just know what their DEAL was... even though the main characters just kind of made you want to smack them around a little bit.
What I'm saying is, that this is a romance between a human who is both the personification of The Giving Tree, and one in a line of 7 accomplished, loving witch sisters, as well as a man who can best be described as "Sexy Billionaire Sheldon Cooper," who makes up for his numerous personality defects by being both 1. a rescue helicopter volunteer for the forestry service, and 2. a scientist trying to find a cure for leukemia. That's right, ladies: he's basically a billionaire, firefighter and a doctor, rolled up into one infuriatingly obtuse, know-it-all package. He's also someone who repeatedly told the main character to her face that her family was shady as hell, and that no one would have ever believed them if they weren't beautiful. What a winner!
But I loved it. And not only is it a 4-star romance, in my eyes, but it's also the second best out of the entire Big Box of 20 Paranormal Romance novels I've been reading through this year.
The style of writing I found to be really endearing, especially when it came to dialogue, because of how completely open and without pretense all of the main characters were. How refreshing is it to read a Romance where the issue is NOT a lack of communication, but instead, in finding an avenue for two people to effectively communicate without wanting to psychoanalyze each other? Or, as the hero remarks multiple times, they should just hook up all of the witches' brains to EKG machines, and map how their brains function! (Again, a real catch, this one.)
My only qualms have to be about this extended conflict in figuring out who the big "malevolent force" is - as it's obvious from literal, LITERAL jump - and... honestly, that's it. Pacing was solid, tension crackled, stakes were high, and the action was well-plotted. Ooh! I did want to spend more time with the fiancés of the other sisters, which included a former foreign agent, and the sisters themselves, who included the likes of a mystery author and an international pop singer.... then again, maybe that's a good reason to pick up the other books in the series, right?
(Notable: this is not an idea I've floated for literally any other Romance I've read from the box so far.)
#9. Master of Wolves (Mageverse #3), Angela Knight
DNF on 128 out of 310."For reasons no one clearly understood, when a werewolf shifted form, his clothes shifted, too. Once he resumed being human, the original clothing came back, along with whatever he happened to have in his pockets - car keys, cell phones, even guns. It was one of those direkind mysteries Tony Shay used to call PFM -- Pure Fucking Magic."
So far, I've been having good luck with romances from this Box that take the opportunity to get a little crazy. After all, both Dream Eyes and Dangerous Tides succeeded, for me, when they swung for the fences, with large casts of characters, big reveals, and secret societies of magic users... all told, it seems like an easy-enough blueprint to follow, if you're willing to get a little wild.
Unless, unfortunately, you're Master of Wolves, what HAD been one of my most-anticipated reads of this challenge - Number One, actually! - picked out of the box when I first received it. In that case, you get a little too crazy.
I think the problems I had with the novel can be pretty summed up into two categories. One, I made sure to consider carefully, as it is a product of my current contemporary perspective in 2021, and was weighed on actions and dialogue pulled from only textual evidence. The second one barely required any textual evidence at all, as it simply wasn't there.
The thing is, the main heroine is a police officer. That carries with it a certain weight in the after-effects of 2020. But the back cover material makes it very clear as to what Faith's profession is, and I still named it my most anticipated title out of the whole reading project! Unfortunately, after reading, it just doesn't make the grade. While you might disagree with my censure, and claim that it's too harsh to judge a book written in 2003 by the social perspectives of over fifteen years later, let me make this perfectly clear: she is a "bad apple" cop. And I would have thought so if I had read it in 2003, too.
Take this scene: she attempts to coerce a character into committing a traffic violation, so she can pull them over, based purely on the fact that he looks sketchy because he was GOING THE SPEED LIMIT. When that doesn't work, she searches through her database to come up with a compelling reason to do it - as people of the legal profession "aren't creative enough" to simply allow her to arrest him on instinct - and finds that his tabs are a month expired. Bingo! Not only does she pull him over, but she threatens him with committing an unauthorized search of his car - because apparently only people with drugs to hide go the speed limit - and mocks him into giving her probable cause. When he attempts to flee, she sics her German Shepherd on him with little warning; when he tries to wrestle himself away and hits her in the melee, she crows victoriously that he's given her a good reason for her to land a punch herself, as she had been itching for a fight.
As it turns out, he has good reason to want to get away: he brokenly cries to her, while successfully subdued by dog-Jim's intervention, that the people who get arrested in that jail have a habit of ending up dead less than a day later. She mocks him for it, as she's been working at that jail for months now, and hasn't noticed any such pattern herself... then goes on to say that he's probably been using a lot more drugs than just what she's found to think such things, and she might as well write him up for others, too.
Needless to say, the following happens pretty damn quickly in the following chapters: his pattern is almost immediately proved true, she realizes other cops in her department are covering up the murders, and she finds the crying guy's corpse - chest cavity completely hollowed out and gaping open on the pavement - the following evening. She has the grace to feel guilty about it for LESS THAN A SCENE, and then is completely distracted by sexist interactions with the other cops.
And she's supposed to be THE GOOD GUY.
The second issue I had with it, in the end, was a general lack of coherency. Dream Eyes played fast and loose with its psychic mumbo-jumbo, but they always kept it on-theme, and realistic for the Universe they had created. Same with Dangerous Tides... while a family of witches who also double as / date famous people makes for a lot of plot to juggle, it's alright as long as you keep it inside a certain realm of believability.
Master of Wolves didn't care about coherency or realism at all, and didn't make much attempt to hide it, either. It chalked up entire segments of werewolf world-building to "PFM" so often, it's like the author put exactly zero thought into developing the character's powers or culture.
But even beyond that, the greater stakes of the larger narrative are absolutely bonkers:
Merlin - yes, THAT Merlin - is an interdimensional alien who came to earth to bestow King Arthur and Guinevere with magical powers, turning them into a superhuman vampire-mage race to protect humankind, as well as formed a secret society of werewolves, as a sort of "self destruct" button necessary to keep the Knights of the Round Table in check. Now there's a secondary sect of evil vampires, and the werewolves have to race to stop them, without letting Arthur and the Knights know they exist.
Also, a small town is Louisiana has a jail that's being controlled by one of said evil vampires, and a terrible cop is trying to battle it out against an entire precinct of other terrible cops to stop her. Also, they're all werewolves, too, only they're bad.
Almost makes you forget about how terrible Faith is at her job.
august
#10. Nico (Ruin and Revenge #1), Sarah Castile
DNF on 38 out of 350."'Cristo santo! I told Vito to hire the best cyber-security firm in the city, and he hired you?'
Mia folded her arms across her chest. 'What do you mean by that?'
Nico made a dismissive gesture with his hand, trying not to focus on any one part of her beautiful body. 'First of all, you're a Cordano. Second, you're a woman.'"
I feel absolutely zero remorse in DNFing this one so quick out of the gate, based on two significant principles: not only is this book just soooo not my vibe, but it's also technically not even a Paranormal Romance!
I think the reason for the miss-shelf is pretty forgivable, as I feel like shadowy headless torsos covered in Photoshopped tattoos are pretty standard fare for cover material in the genre. However, there's no mistaking that a problem happened along the line of this one, as there is zero vampire/ ghost/ psychic/ werewolf/ etc content in it at all. It's a Mafia Romance. And to be clear, that's really not the only thing I saw wrong with the content.
Within the first 40 pages alone, there are numerous threats of violence - both regular and sexual - committed against women, gun violence, assault and battery, as well as more of both kinds threatened to be committed against a child. There is drug use, and patriarchal bullshit, and lots of mafioso talk in the most unconvincing of manners. It's dark and iffy in a way that I get is like catnip for Dark Romance readers, but that is just completely not up my alley at all.
So, it's a no from me!
#11. The Portal, Sharon Pape
One and a half stars for readable-but-racist. (I read it and finished it. Deeply racially stereotyped, but not deeply outwardly vicious, which is more than I can say for other books in this box.)"The wind that rumbled through the canyon sounded angrier than usual; in the distance a coyote howled in counterpoint. No other noise intruded on the stillness of the cave. Even so, she was certain that the Indian* was back. She felt his presence."
*Note: this is from the first paragraph of the book. I'm not joking when I say that it hits the ground running with the outdated nomenclature.
Coming hot off the heels of DNFing my previous two Paranormal Romance box picks - disheartened and rapidly losing steam in continuing on in this challenge, honestly - I really wanted to make sure I didn't just skim over my next read. So was it the best idea to pick up one of the examples that, from even the back cover material, I could already tell was going to be a bit of a racist dumpster fire? Well, as it turns out, yes.
It was a stereotyping, hodge-podge scrapbook attempt at cobbling together a bare minimum of compelling details about archeology, Native American history, and the sheerest veneer of romance. It frequently used language that is now considered offensive terminology within the Native American community, it took no pains to meaningfully develop any of the background characters beyond cardboard cutouts and preserved no sense of humanity beyond rote characteristics, and its plot hinged on a tired destined-soulmate premise that robbed the narrative of any deeper meaning and nuance.
But like driving past a car accident, I just couldn't look away. Both the questionable Native American shaman hero and fresh-out-of-her-doctorate-program heroine were deeply unlikeable from just a lack-of-personality sense, and routinely made what can only be summarized as a relentless and interminable volley of bad decisions, and yet it somehow found not just enough even ground to pass as what could not only be described as a "romantic story," but also as more compelling than a book about King Arthur the vampire mage and the werewolf race created to stop him.
The ending/ solution was bizarrely contrived, and never fully explained. Motivations for multiple characters were simply left up to general interpretation, rather than have personal connections noticeably develop at all. Almost all believability the reader had to buy into in order to allow the story to progress, relied on threadbare and severely stereotyped characters and antiquated views of Native American life and culture. Without the "stoic native" trope, this book would not exist, as that made up the personality for not just one, but several of its main characters.
And here's what also just drove me batty: they ruminated for hundreds of pages - HUNDREDS of pages - about whether it was possible for someone to exist on one plane, and then be transported to another. How can he possibly move so fast, seem as if he exists in multiple places at once, vanish without a trace, and then invade her dreams with images of a place that she's never seen before?
The title of the book is The Portal. It's a freaking portal. And yet, they do not come to grips with this idea until about 75 to 80% of the way through the novel.
One of the things I've been learning throughout this project, is how confident I am in my ability to one day sell a Paranormal Romance. And I wouldn't have to rely on stereotyping an entire persecuted community to do it.
So, that's where I'm at with the Big Box right now! I'm midway through #12 at the moment - Minion (Vampire Huntress Legend #1), by L. A. Banks - but I wasn't lying about what I said earlier: I think I'm starting to lose a little bit of steam. Which is a massive bummer, because I only have to read eight more books after that to have finished the Box!
If I close out Minion by the end of the month, these are the only books standing between me and the new year / end of the challenge:
- All I Want for Christmas is a Vampire, Kerrelyn Sparks
- Hostage to Pleasure, Nalini Singh
- Darkest Lie, Gena Showalter
- The Empath, Bonnie Vanak
- The Phantom of the Bathtub, Eugenia Riley
- Servant: the Acceptance, L L Foster
- The Guardian, Sherrilyn Kenyon
- The Summoning, Heather Graham
Do you think you'd read any of the books in this summer stack? What are your favorite topics within the Paranormal Romance genre? Let me know, in the comments below!