Wednesday, December 30, 2020

My Brother Bought Me $25 Worth of Paranormal-Fantasy Romance : An Unboxing

 

As you may have seen in my recent Christmas Haul post, my brother bought me a pretty exciting present this year: a $25 box of Romance novels he purchased wholesale through an eBay retailer, themed around the premise of "Paranormal Romance.

Here's the backstory as to why this is all so hilarious, because I realize that this is not the typically gift purchased by a 19-year-old college dude: 

My brother has never really been one for Romance romance, per se. He's an avid Fantasy reader, a genre in which there's typically at least a hint of romance present, but he's never felt any special kind of kinship to cupid's genre... the furthest he's gone was probably a couple of years ago, when he and I decided to read Stephanie Meyers' Twilight one summer. The reread was a great time, and one of the best parts about it was his teenaged perspective on some of the most iconic aspects of that book. 

Once I started reading Romance myself, a couple of years ago, he's enjoyed sharing this genre with me, too... not necessarily as a dedicated fan of the genre itself, but a willing participant in listening to my own effusions about what I've been loving (and hating) in the books I've been reading. 

(In particular, one of my favorite series from the past year - Sarah MacLean's The Bareknuckle Bastards trilogy - became so popular with him, that he still is able to refer to it, months later, by name. He's never read the books, and doesn't plan on it, but simply listening to my own half-garbled ramblings about the characters and plot beats made enough of an impression on him so that he's been bringing it up in random conversations ever since.) 

So, when a certain eBay retailer began making the rounds on BookTube and Bookstagram earlier this year - like in this video from Chandler Ainsley - of course I joked about it with my brother, just a little. I have a bit of a habit (or at least I did, back in the pre-Covid days) of trawling the shelves of my local Value Village for compelling backlisted mass-market-paperback Historical Romances I found intriguing; now there was this convenient way of amassing a large quantity of them, all at once, for only a little over a dollar a piece! 

On a lark, I added it to my Christmas list, and sent it off to my family, not really thinking anything of it. It was only after a chance conversation with my brother towards the beginning of December, that I managed to guess it outright: my brother had purchased a giant box of romance novels for me as a present. That was only half of the challenge, though, as he assured me that he'd included a set genre request that he was positive I wouldn't be able to guess. But that just made me laugh. 

"As long as it's not vampires!" 


to be entirely fair, it wasn't just vampires

So: 20 titles, for about $25, all backlisted, all, by his choice, Paranormal Romance. To my brother's credit, it really wasn't just vampires, something I was easily able to ascertain simply as I took each of the books themselves out of the box. Torsos and tattoos and claw marks and pensive stares... oh my.

All in all, unboxing all of the titles only made me more excited to delve deeper. Within 24 hours, I'd sat down with my book journal and a pen, and painstakingly researched each on Goodreads, in order to ascertain their average rating, how many ratings had been uploaded in total, and sleuth out some general plot theming. 

Two were set in small, fictional towns in Oregon, while two others dealt specifically with haunted houses in Savannah, Georgia. One involved a family of magic users in New Orleans, while two others were not of this earth at all, involving aliens and a cyborg with intergalactic origins. Amongst all twenty, there were dream-walkers, psychics, angels, aliens, ghosts, immortal fae beings, protectors of Olympus, and even a Celtic demigod, with vampires and werewolves ending up as a bit of a minor population. (Even within the two werewolf books involved, both of them involve a male werewolf falling in love with a dog-adjacent female professional: a veterinarian, and a K-9 handler!) One book features a focus on a spirit from the "Navaho nation," which - thanks to its 1994 publication date - will no doubt be the most problematic in the whole box, while another book included doesn't even appear to be a Paranormal Fantasy at all, and instead, has to deal with a Las Vegas mob family. 

Needless to say, I'm positively thrilled. 

So, here's the rundown of what, exactly, was in the box:


Master of Wolves
, Angela Knight
The third book in the Mageverse series (a title I had to read three times through, as I thought it was "Megaverse" twice), this book has an average of 4.16 out of a little under 4,000 reviews, and was published in 2006. A werewolf goes undercover with the police force of a nearby town to find out who covered up the murder of his best friend, when he ends up catching feelings for... the K-9 dog handler for the precinct. 

Touch the Dark, Karen Chance
The first in its series, this book averages a 3.71 out of 35K reviews, and was published in 2007. It involves both a ghost-talker main character who has to work under a master vampire... and its description involves the joy-inducing inclusion of both "a bloodsucking Mafioso" and a "vampire Senate." 

The Guardian, Sherrilyn Kenyon
Not only is this the twentieth installment in its Darkhunter series, but it also stacks up a pretty impressive 4.34 average rating out of 18K reviews. Originally published in 2011, this is the one with the most dizzying concept, involving Dreamhunters, the Nether Realm, a missing god of Dreams who is needed on Olympus, and more. Please tell me I don't need to read the previous nineteen installments in this series to get a good grip on it? 

Dream Eyes, Jayne Ann Krentz 
The second in the Dark Legacy series, this book has a 3.98 out of 5 on Goodreads, with approximately 6,000 reviews. Published in 2014, it involves one of my favorite setups of the whole collection: a psychic counselor, protected by a psychic investigator, trying to track down a serial killer who's seemed to be targeting, you guessed it, psychics. Marvelous! 

The Crossing, Joy Nash
Number six in the Immortals series, this has a 4 average from 1,200 reviews, and was published in 2008. A Celtic demi-god rock star has to start taking life more seriously, when someone makes an attempt on the life of a fae child in his care, and involves a protagonist named "Artemis," who appears to be some kind of witch. 

The Phantom of the Bathtub, Eugenia Riley
Out of all of the books on this list, it has one of the lowest number of ratings - 3.46  average out of 246 total - and I'm willing to blame at least part of that on the jaw-droppingly hideous cover. Published in 2006, this is the one that I've been cheekily summarizing as "Everyone in this haunted house wants to kiss me," as a recently moved-in tenant battles out a love triangle involving not only the mysterious hunk next door, but the ghost of a sweet-talker who lurks inside her bath. Updated info for this read on Goodreads also promises ghosts in the square, a werewolf in the garden, an axe-slashing woman, a knife-wielding houseboy, and many more. 

Servant: the Acceptance,
L. L. Foster
The second of its series, this read has a 3.87 out of only 511 ratings on Goodreads, and was published in 2008. This is one of the two books involving angels in this box, but at first glance, appears to be the eminently less readable one: a "God warrior" angel is sent to Earth, to serve as protection for streetwalkers, and comes face-to-face with the only person who makes this celestial being feel "human": a detective named Luther Cross. Heavy handed names aside - Grabielle as a riff on Gabriel, the dual gut punch of both "Luther" and "Cross" - one of the worst things about it, is the terrible cover. 

Nico, Sarah Castile
Remember the one I said wasn't even a Paranormal Romance? This is it! Though with a darkened, tattooed six pack on the cover, I think it's fine to make a mistake. It has a 3.94 out of 2,600 ratings, and was only published four years ago, and follows a Las Vegas mob king who falls for a girl from a rival crime family. Not vampires, but still sounds decent! 

All I Want for Christmas is a Vampire, Kerrelyn Sparks
How topical, for something that was a Christmas present! The fifth installment in the delightfully named Love at Stake series, this title carries an impressive 4.22 out of 12.6K reviews on Goodreads, especially because it was published back in 2008. This story involves not only a vampire-hating heroine, but a reverse bodyguard trope, a best friend stuck in a psych ward, and desperate attempts to prove that the vampire population is real to a deeply apathetic police force. 

Dangerous Tides, Christine Feehan
The fourth in a series about the Drake sisters - a magical family full of inherited gifts - this installment is rated a 4.3 out of 5, with 11.5K reviews, which I feel like is a pretty good showing for this list. It was published in 2008, and the sister in question has been blessed with the ability to heal people, which is pretty in keeping with the concept of water, and the title of the novel. As an overall concept, it's pretty tame compared to some of the others on this list. 

The Empath, Bonnie Vanek
The only other werewolf book on this list, this title is ranked a 3.48 with 431 reviews, and was published in 2007 as the first of its series. It plays into the classic romance trope of "fated mates," with a werewolf seeking out his mate, an empath, in order to bring her home and strengthen the pack from which he was recently ousted. The mate, in a wonderful play to type, is a veterinarian. 

The Summoning, Heather Graham
While the cover looks a lot more like a Suspense / Thriller than a real Paranormal Fantasy, it is - I kid you not - the 27th in its series, from the Krewe of Hunters. Set in Savannah, this book follows a woman living in a haunted bed-and-breakfast, who routinely holds seances as entertainment for guests, and really, shouldn't she know better, then? It was published only last year, and is rated as a 4.08 with around 1,700 reviews. 

My Fair Succubi, Jill Myles 
The third in its series with a 4.1 out of 1.4K rating, this was published in 2010, and while other books on this list feature love triangles, this one is a doozy: a succubus has to chose between a fallen angel named Noah, and her old vampire master, named Zane. We'll see how this one plays, though word-correct would have me mention here that "succubus" is the appropriate solitary form for the being, while "succubi" would suggest a plurality. 

Midnight Lover, Rosemary Laurey
Number five in a series, with a 3.9 rating out of only 298 reviews, published in 2007. Not a lot that's promising from those stats alone... until you read a little of the material. "Dark Falls, Oregon"? Getting better. A heroine who's "a reporter out for a hot story" while working in a paranormal organization, and a vampire CEO who doesn't trust her? We're almost there. Just straight up putting the words "vampire corporate espionage" on the back cover might have been a better selling point. 

The Portal, Sharon Pope 
The 33rd installment in the Silhouette Shadows line, but not a part of any series, this book has a 3 rating, right on the target, out of only 10 reviews... which should be expected, being that it was published in 1994. While the date excuses the nearly-awesome cover, it definitely doesn't the subject matter, as an archaeologist excavating a "Navaho" site lets loose a "shadow man" spirit from the other side, named Zakoura Kree. It's not worth it getting into everything wrong with that description, when it's only what we know from the outside cover... though I'm willing to guess that what's inside is probably worse. 

How to Lose an Extraterrestrial in 10 Days
, Susan Grant
This installment is the third in its series, with a 3.99 rating out of only 514 reviews, and was published in 2007, which explains every artistic choice represented on the cover. These choices appear to have gotten much better over time, in what I can judge from a quick Google Image search... which is also how I learned that this book was repackaged for Amazon just this past year as Cyborg and the Single Mom. (You go get that ebook money, Susan Grant!) This book follows an ex-evil fugitive cyborg hiding out on earth, and the single suburban mother who keeps his presence a secret. In the words of my brother, "It sounds like she really knows her audience."

Minion, L. A. Banks
The first in its series, with a 3.45 out of 6,000 review, this book was published in 2004. If I could give you a truly insane five-word summary of one of the books on this list, it would be this one, and the response I'd give you is "spoken word artist vampire hunter," as that is the occupation of our heroine. Whether or not she's any good at either career path is something we'll have to find out. 

Hostage to Pleasure,
Nalini Singh
There were two names on this list that made me do a double take, because they're easily recognizable for fans of Romance, and this was one of them... which makes sense, because despite the fact that this book was published in 2008, it was already the fifth in its series, and when you search her name on Goodreads, there are seven full pages of results. It has a 4.19 out of 5 stars, with 28K reviews under its belt, making this one of the more popular titles on this list, and follows two rival alien species from different planets: one, a psychic being who's been enslaved with a neural implant, and the other, a leopard shifter. There is only so much more I can say about the cover materials about this book before someone's brain is going to explode. 

The Darkest Lie, Gena Showalter 
The other name on this list that seriously set off my "I know you" radar, this is the sixth in its series, published in 2010, with a 4.29 rating out of 5 stars, with over 33.9K ratings to back those numbers up. Far and away, this is the closest on this list I'm going to get to a "guaranteed enjoyable" read... which is weird, when you consider how out-of-the-box this concept is: a keeper of the demon of lies, Gideon, is "forced to his knees in agony" whenever he speaks the truth, but can tell when other people are acting false, which makes it pretty weird when a woman he's never met, claiming to be a demon-possessed immortal and his long-lost wife, turns up. (And in case you're wondering about Showalter's current title numbers, her Goodreads page claims she's written over 70 books, and I'm inclined to believe her.) 

At his insistence, I then proceeded to rank-order the entire lot. 

Here's how they ended up stacking up, just after a first-glance-peek and a little Internet recon. Top line is "Excited," middle is "Ambivalent," and bottom level is "Less than Stoked." (I would make it "Less than Stoker-ed," but again, rather a dearth of vampire books in this set.) 


Any chance you've read any of the titles from within this collection? Which do you think I should pick up first? Let me know, in the comments below!

1 comment:

  1. Ooooh this is such a great selection!! I hope you enjoy them all! <3

    ReplyDelete