Why a Library Card Might Be the Key to the Best Summer Ever

Congratulations, everyone, we made it: it's officially the First Day of Summer 2023! 

Granted, it doesn't exactly feel that way. For instance, the local school district still won't be scrawling "HAGS" in their yearbooks until this coming Friday, which feels incredibly unkind to those students who are still taking Finals for the next two days, despite the fact that Summer has officially gotten itself underway.

On the other hand, our family has already gone on our first camping trip of the year. I've had visits from my younger sister, who missed Washington sunshine by mere days, and am currently enjoying the company of my younger brother, visiting from the other side of the state. One of the counters in our family's kitchen has been stocked with what my mom calls "Summer Bar" - aka, seasonal liqueurs and mason jars with handles - for the last few weeks. My zucchini are already threatening to crowd out the carrots, and my strawberries have so many runners you'd think they were planning a marathon.

I think it's safe to say that Summer, whether your school district likes it or not, is truly here. 

But whether you've been celebrating the sunshine since June 1st, like I have, or you're still counting down the days until your manager signs off on your first Summer Friday - aka, the true beginnings of "drinking on restaurant patios" season - chances are, you're already making plans for how you're going to spend all of that free time. 

And I know just how you should: at your local library! 

now, hear me out

Granted, this is a books-and-reading-focused blog. Whether you're just now stumbling onto my corner of the Internet, or if you've been a frequent flyer for quite a while (Hi, Dad), chances are you don't need much convincing. 

And yet. 

Just a few weeks ago, I was scrolling through my feed on Bookstagram, and noticed that a fellow enthusiast who I'd been following for quite some time had recently made a significant life change: after years of living in New York City, and furthermore, working adjacent to the Publishing field, she had taken the plunge with her partner, and traded in their big city apartment, for a house in the suburbs. And for the first time ever, she wasn't just navigating a world on a much wider scale than she was accustomed to, but she was also contending with an entirely new challenge... that of learning to use her local library, for the first time, as an adult. 

So it's even within our own ranks, of Book Enjoyers Everywhere, that some might need a little convincing to branch out, and check out your local branch, to check out a book or two. Again, even my own father - I SAID HI, DAD - himself a lifetime reader, ventured off to the library with my brother and I earlier this year to pick him up a new library card, in order to make better use of the free audiobooks and ebooks available through the Tacoma Public Library system. 

If you're new to the game, no worries! There's no age limit as to who is "too old" to get a library card, let alone try something out of your comfort zone. There's nothing to lose, and everything to gain. And let me tell you something: the artistic choices for the library card you pick up, are probably a lot more aesthetically pleasing than the one I've had since approximately 2010 or so. 

And the best part is, Summer is, by far, the best time to get a library card. 

let me tell you why

Well, first of all, there's the material, physical benefit. Libraries are a public good, and as such, are one of the few places you can exist peacefully in the world without having to pay money for the privilege. Howard Schultz may think that he made Starbucks into the world's great meeting space; however, unlike Starbucks, libraries have restrooms without codes to unlock them, and friendly workers who are much more likely to spell your name correctly. 

They also have - barring general disaster - guaranteed air conditioning. And almost always a place to refill your water bottle, and usually chairs there, in case you need to just sit down and take a minute. They usually have computers you can use for free, and a printer that you can use for a certain amount of pages each month, for less than a dollar. Sometimes they're built next to a public park, or picnic tables, which are also more than enjoyable on sunny days. 

And while these all might seem like petty goods in comparison to what you might already have at home, they're not nothing. Not for a lot of people. Things like access to computers and the Internet, to comfortable environments, to social connection and community access, aren't guaranteed, though I think most sane individuals would agree they should be. 

Plus, I've also heard they have books there. 

The books thing is pretty cool. I mean, I think you should check out your own local library just to see how many books they have! Bet you can't count them all... but if you're willing to try, well, then, be my guest. 

But really, the whole "free books" thing is just half of the reason you should give a library a chance. 

(Note: I focus mainly on the Tacoma Public Library and Seattle Public Library, because they're what's local and accessible to me; however, you should absolutely stop by your own local library branch and ask a friendly librarian what sort of opportunities are available at your own local system!) 

TAKE PART IN A SUMMER READING CHALLENGE... OR SEVERAL

Summer Reading Challenges have been a longtime favorite of librarians the world over. For children, they help combat the Summer Slide - the documented downgrade of academic acumen that takes place during the months of June through August - by incentivizing continued reading development by way of fun prizes. For adults, it gives them a chance to pursue a new goal, or stretch their bookish wings during prime reading season... and also win fun prizes! 

No matter your age, chances are, your library has a Summer Reading Challenge you can enjoy, too, for no cost to yourself or your kiddos. It may require you to pick up or print out a Reading Challenge tracker - like Bingo sheet, a Candyland-style track, a puzzle, etc - or in this high-tech day and age, download an app on your phone. Depending on what your local branch's style is, you might be tasked with reading for a certain amount of minutes to progress, or checking off various book titles you've completed. 

Each is a great chance to test your own limits, and give your summer a fun challenge to undertake. You might surprise yourself, in seeing how much reading you can accomplish. 

And did I mention the "fun prizes" part? 

VISIT YOUR LOCAL MUSEUMS... AND SO MUCH MORE

Take, for instance, my local library branch: the Tacoma Public Library card can grant you access to a variety of museums and local attractions, many of which are perfect to enjoy during the hotter days of the year. 

For instance, I could check out an "Art Access Pass" for free entry to the Tacoma Art Museum (usually $18 for an adult visitor), a "Glass Pass" for the Museum of Glass ($20), a "History Museum Pass" to the Washington Museum of History ($14), a "Waterport Pass" to the Thea Foss Waterway Seaport ($10), as well as various local garden passes, like for the Rhododendron Species Botanical Garden ($8), and Lakewold Gardens in Lakewood ($12). 

That means that if I wanted to make a summer project out of visiting everything the library passes had to offer, I would be able to experience $82 worth of local museums and gardens for zero cost to myself! 

All you have to do is look for the pass by location to see which libraries have the pass available, and check out the pass at your library as you would any other item.

Once you've got it, you simply present the pass at the museum or attraction, to receive free admission for up to seven days. Important note: the quantity of available passes varies by location, and you can't check out two of the same kind on the same library card... so make sure the friends you're planning on going with have library passes too!

Also note: passes cannot be put on hold, and are available on a first-come, first-served basis. They also cannot be renewed, so make sure to visit before the return date. You just return the pass to any Tacoma Public Library location as you would any item, which makes for an easy end-of-day task once you're done enjoying yourself at the museum. 

Maybe you can even check out a book when you're done?

TAKE A HIKE... OR A SWIM

Here's another really cool thing Tacoma Public Libraries is doing: as part of a cooperative project called "Check Out Washington," in collaboration with Washington State Parks, the WSP Foundation, the Washington State Library, and other various groups around the state, Tacoma Public Library cardholders have the ability to borrow a Discover Pass! 

If you don't come from an intensive camping background, like my family, you might not know what this means: a Discover Pass provides the necessary payment to help our state parks well-funded, and allows you to visit whatever Washington state parks you'd like. You actually can't visit without one (lest you incur a much more expensive fine). 

Honestly, I think a Discover Pass is a worthwhile investment, as a tree-hugging Washingtonian, anyways: we're a state well known for our gorgeous, protected public lands, as well as plenty of serviceable public recreation areas. Regularly, a Discover Pass will run you $30 for an annual membership - considering adding it to your Christmas List now - as well as $10 for a one-day pass. When you pay to camp at local campgrounds - which can run you pretty steep, depending on where you're pitching your tent - the Discover Pass is likely included at the time of purchase. 

But once you get comfortable with checking out Discovery Passes from the library, you can visit day use areas as much as you'd like, for absolutely nothing! 

According to their government website, Discovery Passes can be used to access "more than 100 developed state parks, more than 350 primitive recreation sites, including campgrounds and picnic areas, nearly 700 water access points, nearly 2,000 miles of designated water and land recreation trails," and even more. I'd say that getting all of that for free is a pretty worthwhile use of your time. 

(Note: while the Discover pass works on Washington State Parks and some other state-funded lands, it doesn't apply to federally-protected lands, like Mount Rainier, or the Olympic National Parks. Check out this website to find all of the places you can visit, and ideas on what to do when you get there!)

Unlike the museum passes, which place limits on how many people can use it at once, a Discover Pass hangs from the front windshield of your car, so there's less of a limit placed on those who can go adventuring with you! Bring along whatever friends you'd like for a hike, a swim, a bout of birdwatching, some frisbee, roasting s'mores in a firepit... whatever activities you can think to enjoy outside. 

You can check out a Discover Pass from a nearby Tacoma Public Library branch during service hours, using a valid library card, but during these gorgeous summer months, you're encouraged to check out the online catalog for current availability first. Discover Passes - like the museum passes - are available on a first come, first served basis, so you'll have to put in a little work to make sure you grab one when you need it! 

START A PODCAST... YES, REALLY

TPL has recently begun offering podcast kits you can check out for a limited time, and use to record, edit and upload high-quality audio. Specifically, they offer both All-In-One and USB Microphone podcast kits, and have a limited number of each, designated for two groups: "Grades 8-12" and "Adults." 

According to their website, "[t]he All-in-one kit includes a portable Zoom H1n Handy Recorder which allows for easy recording of high-resolution audio, and is perfect for starting out on your podcasting journey," and "the USB Microphone kit is ideal for voice overs, and home studio recording." Both of these sound incredible for anyone looking to pick up a new hobby, or figure out if this otherwise costly undertaking is right for them! 

And they're not just offering up the tech equipment: TPL is also staging "Podcast Cafes," a monthly group meeting led by a local digital media expert instructor, covering as varied topics as effectively setting up a usable recording space, how to generate interesting content across episodes, and even culturally-minded analyses on the popularity and effectiveness of current trends in podcasting. It allows you to connect with other people who might be undertaking the same journey you are, which allows you to pick up tips from other podcasting newbies, and provides a network for those looking for support in their creative endeavors. 

So whether you're an adult looking to learn a new skill set, a teenager looking to build out their resume before college apps are due in the fall, or a group of friends looking to find a new outlet for their creative conversations, you might want to see if your local library offers podcasting kits, too. 

I mean, you can even start up a podcast, using library equipment, about the books you've been checking out of the library! 

ATTEND LOCAL EVENTS... AND FREE ACTIVITIES

Okay, I feel like out of everything I've said so far, this might be right up there with "they've got books" as a kind of obvious function that libraries serve. 

After all, if you're like me, you might still vividly recall when your local branch used to have that great big room reserved for community meetings, where you'd occasionally overhear a local book club or lecture taking place. Like I mentioned, libraries are a community hub, one where people can easily gather for free. 

Then again, if you're like me, you also might have no idea as to exactly how MANY events and activities are available through your local library. I mean, I certainly didn't... at least, not until I started doing a little bit of research. 

Yes, they absolutely do have lectures and classes, usually available for free, and they're pretty darn cool. For instance, they're typically tailored to your particular locale, which means than some of the lectures offered in my neck of the woods for this summer include things like eradicating Northern Giant Hornets, earth stewardship-focused beach walks provided by experts, local government information sessions, and how to save money on your utilities, presented by Tacoma Power and Tacoma Water. 

Plus, how to make a box fan air filter... very necessary for Washington residents come August. 

Other offerings include a visit from the Reptile Man, as well as a Shelter Pets adoption event in collaboration with the Tacoma Human Society, and even an information session to learn more about Metro Parks Tacoma, our local Parks and Recreation service. All of these can only lead to more adventures across the summer! 

And if you're looking to get connected to other local readers, they've got plenty of options for those, too. I think almost all of them offers a book club or two. Typically these meetings are tied to things like location of the library branch, or a particular genre, but also cover a diverse range of things like LGBT reads, as well as "Books on Tap," which meets offsite each month, at a local brewery. 

Amongst the Tacoma Public Library calendar, there are links to local scavenger hunts, community puzzle events, game nights, checkers and chess games open for anyone, seed swaps, movie viewings, and so much more. There's plenty of children's storytime events, like you might expect, but also pajama storytime for families, and even adult storytime, where you just might encounter your next great read. 

There are art lessons... including "paint and sip" and "sculpt and gulp" nights, for those who are inclined to test their artistic merit under the influence, as well as lessons in string art, bottle rockets, and more. There's a virtual meetup for those interested in various kinds of fiber arts, too! 

Fans of nerd culture can take part in Pokemon League for both deck and DS users, Dungeons and Dragons parties, Comics and Animation Club, Lego "Brick by Brick" Club, Nintendo Night for Grades 8-12, and Mario Kart gaming. 

There are tons of movie + craft options, all of which appeal to me greatly, like a "Ghibli at the Grand" event downtown, where you can watch Spirited Away with free popcorn and make your own wooden bath token, or "Do You Believe: a Month of Cher Movies and Crafts," which, as you can see from the above conversation, has led to much excitement on the part of my sibling and I. 

Those looking for a little public assistance might be interested in events like like legal aid pop-ups, digital instruction for seniors, or drop-in tech help. There's also events for homeless outreach that provide library patrons "with comprehensive life resources" as needed. 

I'm sure that those looking to invest their time in those kinds of resources are more than welcome to reach out, as well: after all, the library is always looking for volunteers, too!

have I convinced you yet?

Yes, I know, this is an absolute behemoth of a post. But if you've been impressed by its length, that's only because of the incredible amount of challenges, events, and experiences made available to you, through the magic of your local library! 

Like I said in this particular blogpost, my experiences are pretty squarely tailored to my personal local institutions: the Seattle Public Library and Tacoma Library systems (as well as the Pierce County Library system, and King County Library system), are all the closest available resources for me, which means I've got a lot to pick and choose from.

To figure out what's on offer at your library, I heartily recommend checking out their website, or visiting in person to ask a friendly librarian about what kinds of resources they have available for your to check out. There might be plenty there that's not even included in this list... things like virtual reality headsets, other kinds of park passes, and even more adventures that await you, if you just take the chance to ask! 

It's like they said on Arthur: "Having fun isn't hard, when you've got a library card!"

Are you taking part in a Summer Reading Challenge? What sorts of events and activities do they put on at your local library? Let me know, in the comments below!

Seven Steps to Prepare for a Summer Reading Challenge, According to Me

The arrival of Summer is heralded by different things, for different people. 

For some, it may be the first time you hear ice cream truck music crackling through burnt-out speakers, playing through an open window. For others, it's when the temperature tips above a certain number of degrees (Tacoma hit 80 in mid-May this year). It may be the last of final papers graded and input into your classroom portal, or it may be the quiet resignation you feel towards finally starting to clean up the yard a little bit, while the grass is still green. 

For me, it's when the Seattle Public Library finally publishes their Summer Reading Challenge Bingo Card for the year. 

First discovered when I was in my senior year in college, living in my own apartment for the first (and last) time - soaking up as much independence as I could while completing my final class before graduation - SPL's Summer Book Bingo has become as quintessentially "summer" to me as strawberry lemonade, local baseball games, or manhandling gargantuan, spider-covered zucchini from the garden. 

It is the defining factor as to how much room I need left in my luggage while I pack for Central Oregon, or what's going to keep me distracted from the mosquitos or wildfire smoke we inevitably encounter on our various camping trips. It's what causes my purse to hang a little lower, with the heft of my Kindle tucked inside, when someone decides on an afternoon jaunt to the waterfront, and it provides the backdrop for a variety of gorgeous titles in my room, luxuriating in the late evening sun that splashes across my bed, shining through the slats of the blinds. 

It's what decides if my August is spent in tense self-hatred, or a warm feeling of accomplishment. (Full disclosure, in the many years I've been taking part in this challenge, last summer was pretty much the first time ever with this challenge that I got to enjoy that second experience.) 

The point is, SPL's Summer Book Bingo provides a framework around which I organize my summer reading, every year. It has led me to books that changed my worldview ( like This is Going to Hurt, by Adam McKay), and books that I still mutter about under my breath (like Paolo Bacigalupi's The Water Knife). It causes me to reach beyond my comfort zone, or indulge in old favorites, or finally pick up that one title on my shelf I've been eyeing for forever. 

And yes, it's still not the only reading challenge I have on deck for this year. (Because of how much I love The Ripped Bodice, as well, it's not even the only bingo reading challenge I'm taking part in THIS SUMMER.) But it is the one that takes up the most of my time and brainpower, and the one that earns itself a giant stack of books teetering perilously across the span of my endtable. 

Because I want you to take part, too, I figured I'd make you a handy step-by-step guide on how to prepare for your Summer Reading Challenge of Choice. 

(Though if you are taking part in the SPL Bingo, too, I certainly can't wait to hear about all of your plans!)

STEP ONE: Wait, anxiously, for weeks, until your Reading Challenge of Choice finally gets uploaded to the Internet. For Seattle Public Library's 2023 Summer Reading Book Bingo, that means May 25th. For the Ripped Bodice's 2023 Romance Book Bingo, that's June 3rd. Both feel like an eternity. 

STEP TWO: Print out your Bingo card, or various reading challenge forms of measurement. For some people, that might look more like hooking up to an app on your phone - which is increasingly used at libraries these days - but for those of us who prefer a more tactile recording style, that means you either have to hightail it to your nearest library branch, or print out your own copy online. 

(And if you belong to the Summer Book Bingo challenge in Seattle in particular, make sure your printer has plenty of yellow ink left. Trust me.)

STEP THREE: Get your bearings. Read through your Challenge one or two times before you even take another step, just to get a lay of the topography of what you're working with. How confident are you, before diving into the nitty gritty work? How are you feeling? 

Assemble one (or two, no more than three) beverages or snacks of your choice, grab something to write with and something to write on, and mosey on over to your TBR stack(s) or shelf(/ves). 

STEP FOUR: One by one, go through each square on the Bingo Card. Try not to balk at anything too early, daunting though they may be - 'Joyful?' you may think, 'Hip Hop'? 'Sea Creatures'? - but just take each new square as it comes. When greeted by the prompt, does anything come to mind immediately? Are there any 'Indigenous Author's in your stacks? What about a 'Manga / Graphic Novel'? Start to assemble your Summer Challenge TBR Stack with things you already have on hand; no Barnes and Noble run or library holds waiting required. 

Of course, some of them are going to get you stuck. The Seattle Public Library has, thankfully, thought of his already, and has put together various lists for you to choose from, should you not be able to make it on your own. Some are, obviously, not included - for instance, 'Read with a Friend' has a lot more to do with a Friend than the Library - but most are there for you to select from a large assortment. It's up to you to decide! 

(And if the Library Lists don't work out, of course, there's always Google, and Goodreads Genre Lists, and Storygraph selections, and all sorts of pathways for diving your future reads. Make sure you reach out to a bookish friend or two and see what they're reading this Summer, as well!)

STEP FIVE: In the case that you've figured out a book worth reading that fits the Challenge prompt, but you don't necessarily have on your shelves, then you've got a perfect solution: remember how these kinds of challenges are hosted and promoted by your local library? It's time for you to use it! Even for someone with particularly robust reading shelves, like me, I still had to place about twelve different holds for books throughout the library system to cover absolutely all of my bases. 

Make sure you're taking into account things like Due Dates, which might otherwise interfere with your summer reading plans, as well as Holds Lists, because chances are, other people are taking a part in the same challenge you are, too! I'd recommend going after "achievable" holds lists only, and not bothering with those that might take longer than your summer to get through: for instance, Shelby Van Pelt's Remarkably Bright Creatures certainly might have fit the "Sea Creatures" bill perfectly, but there are over 30 people in the holds line before me, and there are only ten copies on deck in the library system for lending. Yikes! 

If you're the kind of person who is NOT on a Book Buying Ban - you lucky thing, you - make sure to plan where you're picking up each of your reads, too, and get to ordering what you need. Barnes and Noble, or Half Price Books, or Goodwill? Thrift Books, or Bookshop.Org? Chart your course! Though I would, of course, recommend starting with your cheaper options first, and climbing upwards as availability wanes. Remember some online retailers, like Book Outlet, have fairly long wait times for your packages, in case you're trying to get your books read sooner rather than later! 

STEP SIX: After you've got all of your materials pulled together, it's time to rank your stack. Anything with a Due Date goes on top first: any and all library books have got to go, before someone else stakes a claim on your title before you finish it! 

Next up, are any books that have been lent to you from other bookish companions, so you don't force your very generous friends to wait for you. Then, everything else! 

STEP SEVEN: Plan it out. There are approximately fourteen Sundays between Memorial Day Weekend and the first Sunday of September... you need to make sure you know what goalposts to be hitting each week! If you're trying to complete the Seattle Public Library Book Bingo, that means twenty-four books, across fourteen weeks: if you can commit to reading two books, every week, then you'll end the Summer Reading Challenge with time to spare... ideally, for more reading! 

Are there any books, in particular, you're going to want to read earlier or later in the Summer? What's going to make for the perfect beach read, or what will make more sense to keep at home for weeknight dedication? Which Horror novel are you going to want to be safe in your own bed while reading, and which Romance makes more sense to bring along with you on that overnight camping trip? 

At the very least, try to divide your stack so that you know what you're going to be attempting for your upcoming two weeks at a time.

Then, all there's left to do is get started! Make sure you keep your Book Bingo Card handy, for easy recording, and keep on top of those Library Due Dates, so you don't incur any unnecessary fines as a result of sheer enthusiasm. Check the Events section of your local library's website to see if there are any Reading Challenge-related events you can attend; SPL partners with Seattle Arts and Lectures for this exact reason. Check out an author visit, or if your library branch is super high tech, see if you can attend virtually.

There's more Summer Library content coming down the pipe from me, but for now, get to charting your course for adventure this summer, by taking part in a Reading Challenge! I can't wait to see what new treasures you'll discover this year... my own challenge is already well underway.

Are you taking part in a Summer Reading Challenge this year? Is it through Seattle Public Libraries and Seattle Arts & Lectures? Let me know, in the comments below!

Top Ten Tuesday: Things that Make Me Instantly NOT Want to Read a Book

"Top Ten Tuesday" is a weekly bookish shareable, hosted by That Artsy Reader Girl!

So, here's the thing: usually I like to start my "Top Ten Tuesday" posts with some kind of prefacing, before we hit the theme. General remarks about how my life is going, what I've been up to, usually why I haven't been reading all that much, the whole shebang. But there's a bit of a problem with that this week... because I also usually write the rest of the post before I write the introduction, similar to how I used to write the body of my papers before I tackled the introductory paragraph (which, if you know how to do this properly, totally streamlines the difficulty of actually getting started writing your paper). 

Which is why I can tell you right now, that this blog post is somewhat inordinately long. 

What can I say? I've got a lot to say. You already saw it at work last week, when the "TTT" theme was a mirrored version of this one: ask me what makes me immediately want to pick up a book, and I'll write about 2K words about it. Ask me about what makes me NOT want to pick up a book? Well... maybe I'll write a little more. 

Maybe I'll write a LOT more. 

And before you get started making your way down the list, let it be known that I'm making a personal judgement call here: I originally tried to draft this blogpost by tackling hard subjects like "Undisclosed Sexual Assault," "Uninformed Interactions with Racist Language," and "Pretty Much Anything from Anyone Involved in Politics as a General Profession But Political Celebrities in Particular," because each of those are, 100%, things that will virtually guarantee I do not even touch, let alone purposefully read, that book. However, in trying to detail my thoughts and feelings, it started making me so angry and upset that I was paragraphs and paragraphs in before I realized that this wasn't a blogpost I even wanted to be writing, let alone would would ever even want to read as a fellow reader. 

So I refined my scope and tried to keep things closer to target for things that were specific, funny or interesting, or at a minimum, less absolutely dire. In the words of Marge Simpson, "Kids, could you lighten up a little?" 

Warning: The Sass Factor was not lost in the rewrites though. I'm still propelled by that feeling of righteous fury, it's just lodging itself into different targets, some of which you might not agree with.

Just my opinions, though. Careful: they're a little... wordy. 

1. Multiple Points of View in the Narrative

Starting out with a bang here! I asked my brother for help writing this list, and boy, did he deliver: "You always complain about Multi-POVs." You sure bet I do!

Mutli-POVs are annoying for those who prefer linear plot, confusing for those who are easily distracted, and are especially agonizing for those of us who have to pick up and put their book down multiple times a day during short breaks. Depending on the size of the cast of characters who form our viewpoint into the world, it might be eons before I swing back to the same person again, and by that point, I will most likely have lost the grip on who they are, what they're doing, and where we were last time I checked in. 

From a slightly more critical perspective, it can also come across as a cheap and easy way to build suspense, especially when your chapters end on Nancy-Drew-style cliffhangers. By chopping up perspectives into fragmented pieces, you're forcing your audience to keep reading to gain understanding, and when it comes in such truncated morsels being switched around like a shuffled deck of cards, your readers run the risk of losing the plot, and it can be hard to jump back in as seamlessly. 

I've straight up thought about reading a book all the way through, one POV at a time, rather than just keep swimming through. That's how much this particular style drives me nuts. 

(That all being said, I do love some Leigh Bardugo. I'll brave it - and more - for her.) 

2. Overly Numbers-Focused or Specific-Detailed Nonfiction

I'm not saying I've ever been diagnosed with dyscalculia, but I'm also not saying that anyone has ever tried. 

I'm all about backing up your information with clear and discernable proof, but at the same time, you could be just putting whatever numbers you wanted in there and I would literally never be able to tell the difference. I don't necessarily want the specifics unless they're in clearly communicated percentages, and even then, feel free to round up to the nearest ten or something. I believe that you know how to interpret data better than I do; just skip to the good stuff and let's get on with it! 

Furthermore, I feel similarly about incredibly detailed lists of names, for both people and places. I'm willing to bet the scholars go crazy for information overload like this, but I am not a scholar, I am just a girl who is considering whether to adjust her position lying down on the sofa because reading like this for too long is making all the blood lazily wander towards my elbows, and now my fingers are numb. 

I do not need to know the specifics, I'm just here for a good time. 

3. Horny Fantasy Fae, in General, but Sarah J. Maas in Particular

Doesn't the whole thing just remind you of the Paranormal tidal wave - of moody black covers, and models with bang-covered faces and mysterious tattoos, and backless ruffled dresses - that overtook the YA shelves of Borders back in, like, 2008? Only now, we're tackling iteration after iteration of thorn-entwined titles, ambiguously described monarchy systems, and all too many discussions about wingspans and tails. 

What remains are the broody, tattooed and angsty poster people. And, as always, descriptions of piercing eyes, be they green or blue (or, occasionally, purple). 

The thing that stings the most is that I was absolutely a fan of Maas, back in the original run of her popularity... approximately ten years ago. For people in the know back when the book blogosphere was a happening place - back when I was too busy resenting the medium shift that was already turning towards YouTube, let alone ever thinking everyone would someday take up future residence on TikTok less than a decade later - I got into a little series called Throne of Glass, the first book of which was published the summer I graduated high school. Have you heard of it? (More importantly, were you one of the people who read all of the novellas when they were still only offered on ebook, long before Assassin's Blade was released?) I only stuck with it through Heir of Fire, but remained interested in Maas' work. 

A Court of Thorns and Roses was published all the way back in the Spring of 2015, and when a friend in the English major asked me "You like Beauty and the Beast retellings, right?" I was ecstatic to borrow her copy. I ended up sticking with the series all the way through A Court of Frost and Starlight, which came out only three short years later, in 2018, before I decided I had had enough, and bailed. Despite the fact that I started reading traditional genre Romance-with-a-capital-R that same year, I really didn't love where I saw Maas' series headed, and had started to get bugged by some of the quirks of her writing style that were only thrown into sharper relief the more I read on. 

Lo and behold, about five years later, I've been tempted to start a drinking game for every time a well-meaning, usually younger friend asks me, "Oh, you like to read, right? Have your heard of ACOTAR?" And while I still absolutely respect the various faeries and their tails of my youth - Hi, Holly Black, I will always love you - I definitely don't pick up that many of those kinds of books anymore. 

4. Men Who Write Under Deliberately Gender-Ambiguous Pen Names So That You Think That Their Women-Centered Novels Were Written By Women, Because Capitalism Works Better That Way

(Important Note: neither transphobia nor prejudice against nonbinary individuals have anything to do with what I'm talking about here. What I'm telling you is that Riley Sager Thrillers - which unilaterally feature female main characters in danger, occasionally placed into gender-specific peril - are written by a man who identifies as a man and writes under male names like Alan and Todd, except when he wants to publish as Riley. I'm talking specifically about Men Writing In the Hopes That You'll Think They're Women In Order to Sell More Copies of Books Where Women Are Usually In Danger, because they know they are writing books that center female main characters, which are primarily marketed towards female readers. Trans and nonbinary authors, on the other hand, are rad as hell.) 

Some of you may be balking at this point, saying "That's not a real thing." Or maybe you're rejecting this based on the principle that it's a double standard, because women have done this for centuries: after all, George Eliot was a woman, the Brontes (Charlotte, Emily, Anne) originally had to publish as the Bells (Currer, Ellis, Acton) to get any kind of eyes on their work, and even Victoria Schwab chose to publish Fantasy under V. E. Schwab, rather than have a more recognizably-female name leading the way in a male-dominated genre.

And some of you, for the first time, are realizing right now that Riley Sager is actually a guy. 

(He's also far from the only one doing this in contemporary Thriller publishing, as was covered fairly extensively in 2017, in The Atlantic, the Wall Street Journal, in MEL Magazine, and by the Guardian. Some great, more conversational coverage was provided by some of the ladies at Smart Bitches, Trashy Books, for an individualized perspective these writeups don't cover.)  

And for the record, yes, I absolutely hated, HATED Final Girls, in part specifically because I hated how the female main character was written, long before I found out she was written by a guy. 

5. Romances When There Are Babies and Kids Involved 

For the love of all that is produced in mass market paperback and has a shirtless man on the cover, I don't want to ever read another Romance novel where kids are involved. There's just too much that can - and depending on the care of your author, will - go sideways. 

For instance, I hate the "surprise baby" trope in all iterations. I also hate the "miracle baby" plot resolution technique. I have heard of, but have thankfully never encountered, the "accidental pregnancy" trope, thank GOD, because I honestly don't think my anxiety can handle it.

I hate the "precocious daughter" who encourages her dad to ask out her pretty music (or dance, or art) teacher, and I hate the "angry teenage son" who the boyfriend has to win over in order to really get with the mom. I hate children who talk like adults, and children who demonstrate abilities and understanding far beyond (or below!) appropriate growth benchmarks for the sake of adding some kind of dimension or humor to lackluster dialogue, and I especially hate when they are used as a tool to push an unnecessary narrative choice on behalf of their parent, only to never be brought up again. 

Do people have kids? Absolutely. Do people with kids deserve romance too? Hell yeah! But then let's have plots where those kids actually act like actual kids, whose lives are actually tied to their actual parents, and don't exist solely to railroad a particular plot direction or generate otherwise bonkers stakes for the couple to be together, or even just establish sympathy for a character (because let's be real, the guy might have a daughter, but that in no way precludes him from being a total jerk). 

I blame my loathing of this entire thing on Hallmark Channel Original Christmas movies. 

6. Escapist-Genre Authors Who Don't Take Their World-Building "Hard Topics" Seriously

Maybe I'm just voicing gripes about world issues here, but I've had a couple of books in the past few years who have really lost points in my eyes, because they couldn't get an appropriate handle on the important subject matter their main characters were engaging with.

If your Science Fiction interacts with the after-effects of warfare that ravages a civilization and displaces a wave of refugees... if your Fantasy involves an enslaved race of peoples subjugated under a tyrannical rule that perpetuates in their daily interactions within social classes... if your Romance deals with severe misogyny or god forbid, some form of sexual violence, I'm going to need you to step the hell up and engage with that kind of plot content seriously. Put your big kid boots on, and get to marching: do the hard work, do right by your characters, and do right by the world you live in. 

If all you can offer up is a general "gosh, I feel bad about that" sympathy shrug from your main characters - oftentimes only to set up the idea that they're the 'good guys' - without any form of meaningful interaction or demonstratable change, or for heaven's sake, if you're just trying to instill it as a kind of backstory quirk to make this character notable or interesting, then why the hell are you putting such content there in the first place?

Maybe just don't trifle around with real life hard issues... if you don't actually care about them? 

7. Straight-White-Male-Dominated Fantasy Worlds (Like, Your World Has Dragons In It, But God Forbid Two Women Talk To Each Other)

It is a major point of difference in the reading decisions of my brother and I, that I do not enjoy the Lord of the Rings novels. I tried it - spent over a month of my freshman year of college attempting to trudge through Fellowship of the Ring, and eventually emerged on the other side so burnt out that I didn't read anything else for about two weeks after I finished it - and I did not like it. 

(As I glibly remarked to my brother recently, in regards to the movies, if I wanted to hear about a bunch of white dudes backpacking through New Zealand, I would have stayed in touch with more of the fraternity guys I knew in college after graduation.)

If I'm actually going to sit down and dedicate my time towards reading a High Fantasy, there had better be at least three or four female (or gender-non-conforming) characters named within the first forty to fifty pages. Not even main characters, just... people! And they've got to be actual people, with motivations and voices and a variety of ethnic backgrounds. I don't care how many Zs or Xs or inappropriately distributed apostrophes their names have; what I do care about is if anyone in your main cast is same-sex-oriented. 

If you can conceive of a Fantasy world, with its own geography and language and cultures and foods, and you're still coming out on the other side with nearly everyone in the entire novel just being a straight white dude whose only distinction is in what weapon they carry and what facial hair they grow, then I don't know what to tell you. 

Maybe just that the world is an exciting place to live in, and you should go meet more real life people before you try writing any more fictional ones? 

8. The Phrase "Whatever God Looks Like to You," or Plenty of Other Couched Religious Thoughts Like It, in Self Help

To defend myself a little here, I was raised Catholic. I read Catholic- and Christian-oriented books with some degree of regularity. But the thing about Catholicism is that... it's not exactly known for being subtle. Chances are, beyond the Spanish Inquisition, you're going to see Catholicism coming from a mile away. 

I don't know what it is about the Self Help genre, but there are an awful lot of religious folks in here. And in particular, there are a lot of Christians who want to couch their religious convictions behind a thin veil of pseudo-secularism. 

It drives me absolutely nuts to see Christian values nestled inside a Self-Help book with the idea that

it's somehow able to be parsed out in your own individualized direction with a flippant note from the author. It's relying too much on the reader to somehow adjust their own perspectives and experience, rather than have the author deconstruct how their own beliefs inform their insights in the first place. 

Notably, the book I have on display here - At Your Best, by Casey Nieuwhof - is an example of the appropriate way to do this within the Self Help sphere: he's literally a pastor, on top of being a motivational speaker and author, and not only does he immediately clarify the role religion plays in his life from the introductory material, but almost no doctrine actually comes up when discussing the Self Help principles he recommends, only in how making these kinds of lifestyle changes affected his own work schedule. Be like Casey. 

9. Fantasy Words That Are Just Straight-Up Corollaries for Previously Existing Countries and Cultures

(Okay, to be very clear, I'm not coming for Leigh Bardugo again. I love her! But again, this is absolutely something she does in her world-building. To the point: recently, I was reading about the war in Ukraine, and stumbled upon a reference to the Russian city of Novosibirsk. I spent about ten minutes puzzling over why that name sounded so familiar, until I realized that Novokribirsk is one of the Ravkan cities adjacent to the Shadow Fold in the Grishaverse.)

I think it's more of a factor in Middle Grade and Young Adult Fantasy - or, like with some movies and television shows, and a whole lot of video games, more of a wider-spanning media phenomenon - but if your only contributions to building out an entirely new world are to muddle up the names a little bit, and just adopt, wholesale, entire cultural touchstones of that particular country without identifying it specifically, then I don't know if you're doing your world a service in its construction. Nor really the people of that real-world country. 

I acknowledge that this is occasionally very intentional (for instance, The Hunger Games deliberately takes place in a post-apocalyptic America, and as such, the Districts operate as recognizable parts of the United States). I just also think this is occasionally very lazy. And occasionally, kinda problematic. 

For more info why, check out this incredibly detailed TV Tropes page on "Fantasy Counterpart Culture."

10. Just Not Really Being All That Interested In Reading It... At Least, Not Right Now. 

This is, by far, my reading habit that most drives my brother up the wall. I am - notoriously, historically, frustratingly - a mood reader, first and foremost. And it can absolutely tank my enjoyment when I try to read something I'm just really not feeling in that moment. 

For instance, I first read Naomi Novik's Spinning Silver when Washington was in the middle of a stretch of snowy days. It was absolutely perfect... because I was in the right mindset to read something wintry and cozy! On the other side, I've had Katherine Arden's The Bear and the Nightingale waiting on my TBR for a while now, sitting around for the right kind of weather forecast, no matter how often my friends have told me to just tackle it on the sooner side. 

Additionally, I am almost never, ever in the mood to read Horror... but one of the few times I do, is during the Summer, when the days are long and I have far less reason to be as afraid of what goes bump in the night as I am during the Winter, when the dark is near inescapable. That's why some of the rare times you'll see me picking up something like Stephen King is in July or August! (And certainly never on a camping trip.) 

It all comes down to how I'm feeling about it. And, you know, the stars. 

What's in YOUR Top Ten? Have any similar vibes to my list? Let me know, in the comments below!

Top Ten Tuesday: Things that Make Me Instantly Want to Read a Book

"Top Ten Tuesday" is a weekly bookish shareable hosted by That Artsy Reader Girl!

So, about a week ago, I was seized by a sudden, desperate, nervous-system-zapping urge to read something. 

Not just anything, though... after all, I had plenty of books on my own shelves already - hundreds of them, even! - holed up in the same room in which I spend most of my waking hours. What I desperately needed, instead, was a library book.

It makes perfect sense to me; I mean, I haven't been back to check out my local branch in several months now, with how busy my Spring has been. And I am very much still in a Buying Ban. So, I set about righting this wrong in several stages. 

First off, I downloaded six books on audio through the Libby app, access granted through my library card, and stored for easy reading on my iPhone. 

Next, I placed about fifteen holds on books stored throughout the library system, with express orders to be shipped to my local branch, so that I could pick them up (squeeze them, hold 'em close to me, reluctantly let them go at the culmination of their agreed check-out period) at my leisure.

Some of these were, of course, ready within the day. After all, I had been cheerfully informed when the holds were placed that some were already available at a "preferred location." (I mean, for me, the preferred location might be found at the edge of my coffee table next to my bed, spawned through some kind of science fiction beam technology, but then I'd miss out on several perfectly lovely conversations about what great weather we've been having with the local library team.)

So, whereas the week before, I had been suffering through some kind of withdrawal, now things are quite different. This week, I am fully cognizant of rapidly approaching due dates, of a personal track record of reading so far this year that amounts to less than what I managed to check out in one day, and a colossal amount of books that do not belong to me, being stored in my room, very, very close to books that very much do belong to me, who are now starting to feel a little neglected.

That's what made this kind of "Top Ten Tuesday" topic so funny to consider. What are some kinds of things that make me instantly want to read a book? Hmm. Well, let's peruse some of the impulsively selected subject matter in the mountainous range that are currently ringing my reading nook, like some kind of summoning circle... 

1. Recommendations from Regan at Peruse Project on YouTube

Okay, so we've all got different definitions for what an "influencer" is, and the role that they play in our social media lives, correct? Well, Regan, from Peruse Project, has genuinely influenced me more times than I can count, when it comes to feeling inspired to pick up a new (or old, for that matter) Fantasy novel. 

It's because of her that I found In Other Lands, by Sarah Rees Brennan, for the first time, and it changed not only my life for the better, but plenty of others I've foisted it on since; numerous titles on my shelves, like Babel, by R. F. Kuang, and The Goblin Emperor, by Katherine Addison, I haven't even read yet, but selected due to her high praise. I mean, I have three books from the Warrior Bards series by Juliet Marillier sitting on my shelves, simply because she said she really enjoyed a completely different series by the same author! 

2. Books About Cooking... Home Cooking, or Culinary School, or Groceries, Literally Whatever.

It may sound like a joke, but something that occupies maybe four to five hours out of every day I spend on this earth, is mentally designing meal plans, grocery lists, food illustrations, and cookbook rankings in my head. Sometimes, when I'm having a hard time sleeping at night, I'll plan out entire dinner parties - we're talking multiple courses here - or I'll rewrite recipes I've attempted recently that didn't turn out up to par. I have a complete notebook full of personally collected recipes, filled cover to cover... and when I finished it, I immediately started a new one. Three of the longest Word docs on my computer include a manuscript for a cookbook, a collection of fantasy grocery lists - with prices included - of budgeted meal plans, and short personal essays on the topic of food writing. 

And you ask me why I'm not dating anyone. Like, who has the time? 

3. Books About Books and Authors and Writing

Similarly to how much I love reading about Food, I also love reading about Books. These two subject matters alone account for maybe fifteen to twenty books a piece occupying my TBR shelves. And it makes sense... after all, I spend a goodly amount of time each day both Cooking and Writing, so. It's always important to keep that mental whetstone handy, right? 

I'm always into a good deep-dive into the sociocultural context of an author's life and livelihood while writing: Romantic Outlaws, by Charlotte Gordon, was a fave from the past couple of years, and followed the lives and connections of literary icons Mary Wollstonecraft and Mary Shelley, as well as how their relationships with others impacted the kinds of writing they produced. 

My TBR shelves boast the likes of How to Read Literature Like a Professor, by Thomas C. Foster, or The Diary of a Bookseller, by Shaun Bythell, and various works from Didion, Hornby, and Plath, all on reading and writing, while Scratch: Writers, Money, and the Art of Making a Living, by Marjula Martin, details some of the financials of what a life in literature looks like. 

4. Buzzy Celebrity Memoirs

It's been a while since I read a whole lot of these in a row... maybe back in 2020, when I was determined to listen to every audiobook available from the cast of Queer Eye? (A challenge I'm still clearly intent on pursuing, being that one of those books I checked out in my recent mad fit was Jonathan Van Ness' Love That Story.) 

I don't have a ton of these stacked up on my shelves these days - they're a fun fling, perfect for vacations or audio or breaking out of a slump, not typically something I hang onto for a long time - but in the past I've really enjoyed Anna Kendrick's Scrappy Little Nobody, Rachel Bloom's I Want To Be Where the Normal People Are, as well as Sara Bareilles' Sounds Like Me. And, of course, if there was any book I hope you read last year, it was Jennette McCurdy's I'm Glad My Mom Died, something I've recommended to all kinds of people, and has received naught but unilateral praise. 

5. Pretty Much Any Novella from Tor Publishing

If there's anything I've learned about myself as an adult and my financial practices, it's that while I consider myself to be a pretty darn frugal person, I'm also more than happy to pay $20 for the slimmest of hardcovers, provided that they have 1. a jaw-droppingly beautiful cover and 2. the words "Tor" or "Tor Dot Com" emblazoned on the lower portion of the spine. 

This line of thinking has only brought me success, with the Wayward Children series from Seanan McGuire, the Murderbot series from Martha Wells, and the Monk and Robot series by Becky Chambers. Truly, truly, nothing but net. Novellas are great because they can be easily consumed in one afternoon, but also occupy ever-increasing amounts of space in the back of your mind that creep into your daily thoughts on the lightest of footsteps and rewrite the ways you view reality. 

Plus, they're usually really pretty to have on your bookshelves. 

6. Swear Words in Titles

What can I say? I have a mug on my desk that says "I have the vocabulary of a well educated sailor," and it stores my scissors, which I like to think are just as cutting as my words. The dream may be to write for a living, but I promise you that I swear simply for the joy of it. I watched a lot of pirate movies in my childhood, and it's manifested itself in my adult life as a penchant for rum drinks and a fondness for a lot of strung-together, creatively-formatted expletives. 

Don't believe me? I literally picked up The Girl Who Could Move Sh*t With Her Mind by Jackson Ford last year based on this concept alone. Have I read it yet? No. Does it make me happy every time I look at it? Oh yeah. 

7. Things that Would Make My Professors Happy

Every time I pick up a Classic novel - be it Woolf, Wharton, or whatever - it's because I'm trying to subconsciously persuade the mental phantoms of my past educators from the English department to tell me how proud they are. Like that one popular internet post says, I will spend the rest of my life chasing the emotional high that getting an A+ in my AP English class gave me. Only for me, it's the 4.0-plus on every single midterm paper that I somehow managed to score sophomore year in college in my "Shakespeare Post 1603" class.

And you've even seen it here, plenty of times before, on this blog alone: for instance, you know that I spent part of January of this year rereading Jane Eyre, by Charlotte Bronte, and assembling my own vocab list, all of which I posted about here. Normal people don't do things like that... but recovering English majors absolutely do. 

8. Fave Fantasy Authors: Tamora Pierce, Holly Black, Victoria Schwab, and Naomi Novik, to name a few

I'm a loyal person. I may leave your texts on read for several days in a row, and I might begin our meetings by saying "Okay, so I swear I was going to respond to your email," and I have perhaps been known to go months without speaking to my high school best friend before we start shooting off flurries of messages about how much we've missed each other. But I'm a lost little duckling, and I'm following you, wherever you're headed, because I've imprinted and now I think you're what home looks like. 

The aforementioned Seanan McGuire, Martha Wells, and Becky Chambers all get their kudos here, within their various series, but also, I've read enough Holly Black to know I like her fairy world stories. I know Naomi Novik makes for a magical time. Tamora Pierce - let's be real here - is responsible for the topography of entire segments of gray matter currently stored in my skull. I hadn't even finished with A Darker Shade of Magic before I had already purchased the two subsequent books in the series from V. E. Schwab. 

9. Meta Humor and Genre Commentary

Okay, I know there are plenty of us out there, and I'm blaming growing up on things like British humor, the Shrek movies, one of the greatest comedies of all time, NBC's Community. If you're like me, and you know that a book makes fun of its roots and breaks the fourth wall as often as possible in a genre or setting that you love, it's probably already on its way to your shopping cart.

Seriously, is it such a surprise that John Scalzi's Redshirts, Delilah Dawson and Kevin Hearn's Kill the Farm Boy, Edgar Cantero's Meddling Kids, or Jasper Fforde's complete Thursday Next series are all on my shelves? Obviously not. 

10. Things I Can Give My Brother

(Hi, buddy. I know you're reading this. Good luck in the rehearsal studio today; don't blow away in the high winds you've been getting in that blustery town of yours. Love you.) 

Let's be real, every purchase I've made within the Fantasy genre in the last five years has been informed by how much I love my brother, who is the kind of person who would rather eat gravel than cut out of a Branderson novel in the middle of a chapter. To distract him from the idea of convincing me to try the Mistborn series, I have to focus on continually shoveling recently-published Fantasy reads into his hands like feeding coal into a steam engine, hence why I have a year-round Notes section on my iPhone dedicated to what books to buy for his birthday.

 All told, if I'm buying something for myself, you can bet it's with the expectation that he might be picking up after me... and vice versa. 

What's in YOUR Top Ten? Let me know, in the comments below!

Paranormal Romance Reading Update #1: Temperamental Dragons, Copyright Law Loopholes, Demonic Crime Procedurals, and my First DNF of the Challenge!

What do you mean, it's late May? Last time I checked, we were zipping through Winter at an alarming pace. Don't tell me we're nearly done with Spring, too? 

Yes, yes, the earth is finally waking up, my garden is showing distinct signs of not-dying, and I'm reminded of the fact that the sun exists every morning only a few hours after I've actually managed to go to sleep. 

Just this morning, I realized that in a little over a month, I'd be called upon to be a part of the first family camping trip of the season, and spent a good twenty minutes over breakfast daydreaming about being a private chef in the Hamptons instead, and whether it would be possible to give my own kitchen a much-needed Nancy Meyers makeover, rather than spend so many days in a tent. 

But all of this activity hasn't exactly manifested itself here. And you might be wondering when I was going to start delivering on promises made at the start of the year.

I'm talking, of course, of the 2023 Big Box of Paranormal Romance. 

For those not in the know, back in 2020, my younger brother gifted me a giant box of 20 backlisted Paranormal Romance paperbacks for Christmas. I spent 2021 reading through as many as I could, to varying degrees of success, and the final favorite of the challenge ended up going right back to my brother to read, too.

(He loved it. We reference Judson and his affinity for "guns over psychic ability" often. Including a Paranormal Romance between a psychic investigator and a psychic counselor that was published in 2013 in regular conversation, is fairly par for the course in a family that routinely references Muppet Treasure Island, "Actual Cannibal Shia LaBeouf," and a Danny Kaye medieval comedy from 1955 as often as we do.) 

But fret not, friends: this year's challenge is still alive and well. It's just that this particular box is a very different beast than its predecessor. I think I'm going to have to stop asking my brother to pick out my next upcoming titles for me, because he somehow manages, from several hours' worth of a drive away, to maintain a laser focus on making me read all of the dragon shifter books first. 

So far, in the last five months or so, I've managed to tackle four of the books, three of which I finished and did NOT give 1-star reviews - which, if you followed the last (incredibly problematic) iteration of this challenge, is an absolute miracle - and only one of which I DNF'd (because it was boring, not because it was racist, homophobic, or worse. Again, a very different box than last time). 

Without any further ado, here's what I thought of them: 

What a Dragon Should Know (Dragon Kin #3), G. A. Aiken

"'We have a problem.'

Briec glanced up from the book he was reading and into the face of Brastias, general of Annwyl's armies, and one of the few human males Briec could tolerate. 

Closing his book, he asked, 'What did Gwenvael do now? Do I need to contact my mother? Are we already in war, or is it simply heading our way?'

Brastias, whose scarred face looked grim at the best of times, smiled. 'Anytime I start a conversation that way, all of you ask me the same questions.'

'My brother starts trouble the way horses shit when they walk. And we all know that.'" 

Okay. So. My first title in the challenge, read all the way back in January, and I did not enjoy this book. But I did get through it! And unlike the first title in the last challenge, it did not use the n-word anywhere in its contents, so. Let's take the wins as they come, small though they may be? 

My main issue is that this book employs a sense of faux feminism that is clarified by its 2008 publication date, in a sort of "bikini chainmail" way: if the female characters are loosely implied to be badasses, then they may freely be oversexualized, overemotional, and as oversimplified as necessary. 

(To the point: in the first chapter or so, we are introduced to a battle queen - whose character hallmark is a love of learning, accompanied by a hulk-like war rage that renders her unstoppable in combat - by her bursting into tears at being called fat. She then cries a second time after she gets a half-hearted apology for being called fat. Then gets all giggly when the same person who called her fat compliments her chest size and pretends to peek down her shirt. The person in question is the main romantic Hero of the novel.) 

Women are either prized like cattle in the Northlands, or fair game for abuse down below in the dragon-primed Southlands. At various odds, women are routinely called whores, overprotected - to the point of allowing for regular violence towards their chosen romantic partners, excused by way of "brotherly respect" - and either yelled at or spoken down to, in turns. 

I get the impression the author might not like women a ton, or at the very least, women who weren't of a certain sarcastic, all-suffering, moderately-prone-to-violence type. The vibe was very Disney-Princess-wearing-thick-rimmed-glasses-and-sporting-tattoos thing, if you clearly remember the year 2014. 

Other problematic elements also skeeved me off, including the main romantic couple's predilection for nonconsensual voyeurism, and something that I'm pretty sure was just the communicated threat of homosexuality as a kind of mental warfare. And a ton of gratuitous violence. 

That being said, parts of it were kind of funny. Hence, two-and-a-half stars. 

Bustin', Minda Webber

"The monster ripped off his boxers, sporting a Doric column so big that Sam thought she was seeing things. Now she understood the expression 'hung like an ox,' and Nero wasn't even a minotaur!

'Talk about cock of the walk,' she muttered to herself. No way was that getting anywhere near her. Still, what was a girl to do? She despaired momentarily, caught between the moon, New York City, a werewolf, and a giant gorgon penis." 

At 323 scant pages, this should have been an easy read. But because it was so jam-packed with random pop culture references - especially in regards to Humphrey Bogart's canon of work - I spent as much time googling obscure phrases and movie titles as I did actually paying attention to the plot. 

Distracting though it was, I can honestly say the book would have been significantly more boring without them. 

THAT being said, ignoring this book's quirky delivery makes some structural issues all the more glaring: while the front half is fairly sedate - but spookily-occupied - generic Romance, the second is an about-face, completing changing both setting and theme towards more of a Mystery angle. 

The characters were equally strange. The Heroine spoke in the model of a fast-talkin', Pan-Atlantic moll from Hollywood's Golden Age... and came equipped with some severely anti-Communist sentiments to share, relatively unprompted. The Hero - a gruff Russian, one gold chain short of straightforward stereotype - plays the lover with equal parts malice and apathy, and enacts a revenge plan so jaw-clenchingly awful that its absolutely shocking that the only thing to come out of it is a substandard apology (couched within phrasing that suggests it as the most low kind of ego-sacrifice, and therefore the Heroine's obligation to accept). 

There's a third act reveal that feels like it counteracts other previous sections of the book. There's a movie-referencing final scene involving a piano that wouldn't make nearly as much sense for someone who hasn't a solid understanding of Casablanca. For some reason, the Heroine just cannot shut up about how she always wanted to be a hairdresser. 

At the end of it all, it's almost impossible to parse out what feels strange because it's a pop culture reference, and what feels strange because it's just a bizarre narrative choice. 

But we all know how I feel about making weird narrative choices in these kinds of books. Three stars. 

Never Dare a Dragon (Boston Dragons #3), Ashlyn Chase

DNF @ 17%

"Ryan was actually the oldest - until he'd met with a near-fatal accident at the age of seven. Jayce had been only five, but after witnessing the family secret in action that day, the image was burned into his brain. Literally. Mommy and Daddy quickly explained what was going to happen and dumped lighter fluid on his big brother - then lit him up. Ryan didn't yell or scream. He just sort of went to sleep, and they watched until there was nothing but a pile of ash left. Then the ashes stirred... and the brilliant phoenix arose." 

If you're confused as to why the title references a dragon, while the blurb I chose features a phoenix family, then let me clear some things up for you: there are both. When a Boston firefighting phoenix shifter hits it off with a NYC firefighting dragon shifter, you've got a lot of promises about "heat" and "sparks flying," to live up to... but unfortunately this, for me, suffered from a lack of both character and romantic development. 

Our Hero, Jayce Fierro - eye roll - is bad at communicating emotions, and an awkward mix between obliviously snarky and 2023 levels of chivalric. There's nothing about him that feels believable or human - in a "not an invention" kind of way, rather than a "not a mythological creature" kind of way - like he was constructed from spare parts of a personality that didn't mesh together that well upon application.

Our Heroine, Kristine Scott, lives alone with her single mom, and the two of them are the only ones who know their dragon-shifting secret... so to speak, as within the first 15% of the novel, someone is already using this information against her. She's postured to be relatable and current by the fact that she does things like wear "satin granny panties" on a date, and focus on putting her career first; upon being asked by a work colleague if her erratic emotional behavior is due to getting her period, she screams "You are never, ever, ever allowed to ask a woman that - ever!" while exiting from a parking garage "with more speed than was prudent." 

The Romance part bugged me because they were practically ready to jump each other from their first interaction, which didn't even go well for either of them. Despite this, Jayce decides to travel to New York with what is, essentially, the expressed intention of meeting her again. By the time the two make it on an actual date, both are considering how a real relationship would manage to work itself out, being that they live in two different cities, and would have to manage things long distance. Plus any actual sex scenes that may occur seemed to solely be resolved by way of fade-to-black, which makes the cover's promise of "sizzling heat" feel especially misplaced. And again, this is all within the first 17% of the novel.

Plus, with this kind of narrative subtlety in mind, of course, you knew that once a character who speaks with a pronounced Scottish accent was introduced, she'd turn out to be a leprechaun (I ended up skipping ahead to verify). 

I tried to get into this over the course of weeks - weeks! - to the point where it sent me into a mini-reading slump. 

Dream Chaser (Dark Hunter #13, Dream Hunter #3), Sherrilyn Kenyon

"Of course he was... why should anything in the world make sense? Dear lord, it wasn't like she wasn't sitting beside one of the hottest men on the planet who was a god himself. Or that she had a goofy teenage ghost in her backseat mouthing the words to Tears for Fears' "Everybody Wants to Rule the World." 

It only made sense that the hottie in the Classics department was a demigod, too..." 

I had been suffering through that dragon book for WEEKS before I decided to just try a little bit of a different tactic, and picked up this title instead. I ended up devouring it completely in less than 24 hours. 

That being said... she's still not great. In fact, I think that the three star rating I'm willing to afford to her is more than generous, and just as reflective of how happy I was to be done with another one of these as it is a commentary on the novel itself. 

I think my primary problems stem from the fact that it is just so completely of its publication year: 2008. Its general format reminds me of any number of crime procedurals, its treatment of the supernatural feels like a bad Syfy movie of my childhood, its humor feels like that kind of snarky-without-bite variety that was so ubiquitous to both genres, personified in the kinds of characters the Internet was obsessed with when I was in middle school... and displaying similar kinds of banter to the ones people tried so hard to emulate, but failed to do so with the same panache. If that wasn't enough for you, how about some more direct references to of-the-time cultural touchstones: Happy Bunny, Hannah Montana, and the Reese Witherspoon movie Just Like Heaven all got a mention. 

There was force-choking, questionable use of mythology as a point of worldbuilding, even worse dialogue, and truly horrendous sex scenes which were (thankfully) over quickly. You could have told me that this author was an expert in Supernatural fan fiction, and I would have believed you. 

My primary points of applause include having female character who actually served as dimensional figures in the context of plot, and the use of diversity in world-building, being that the book itself takes place in New Orleans. Three stars.

(I know this feels like an uneven review, and I acknowledge that I spend a lot of time calling out how goofy this book is. But to be honest, that's where most of my joy in this challenge comes from: after all, my end favorite of the last Big Box of Paranormal Romance challenge was selected because of how bonkers wild it was, too. I don't think Dream Chaser will be my final fave, but I do think it has more in common than not with what I enjoy so much about this project.)

So, those are the first four books I read in the challenge for this year. A meager showing, right? Pretty dismal to only have three titles completed, and one DNF, for all that it's nearly the end of the fifth month in the challenge? I agree.

Plus, with the onset of June just around the corner - heralding the triumphant return of Summer Book Bingo from Seattle Arts and Lectures and Seattle Public Libraries, as well as the Ripped Bodice Romance Book Bingo (careful, these links are both for 2022) - my mind is most likely going to be taken over by other tomes to-be-read, for challenges outside of this one. 

This all feels, of course, like the odds are stacked against this particular personal challenge of mine. But don't fret: being aware of your limitations is the best indication that you'll be able to overcome them. What I mean by that is, I keep stubbing my toe on the giant cardboard box every time I fuss around with my TBR shelves, and every book I take out of it makes the pain a little less. 

I really am planning on making Summer 2023 one slam-jammed with reading, honest. And besides, I personally maintain the second best time of year to read Paranormal is in the sunny months, when the things-that-go-bump-in-the-night feel like more of a novelty. 

Keep a weather eye on the horizon for further deets on my Summer reading plans. For now, though, rest assured that I'm currently suffering through a BDSM-lite Harlequin Romance between a vampire princess and a dragon shifter, and thinking of you fondly. 

Have you read any especially good Romance lately? How about especially bad Romance? Don't tell me there are dragons in it. Let me know, in the comments below!