Where Have All the Good Men Gone? Recent Misadventures in Romance Novels

Listen. The season of life I have been living right now has not exactly been... relaxing. Thanks to family commitments, writing projects, charitable responsibilities, and more, my plate has been more full than not most days, which leaves very little time for kicking back and relaxing with a good book. 

So when I actually have time to sit down and read, I want to make sure I'm investing my attention in something worthwhile. Not something difficult, not anything I have to ease your way into or take my time with... something I can jump right into with both feet, something that requires minimal brainpower and - ideally - a lack of hurdles keeping me away from the escape hatch I'm struggling to reach. 

For me, that go-to genre has held a couple of different forms. For starters, Food Writing always makes for a good time, and usually serves as more than a little inspiration for what I get up to in the kitchen later. Memoirs are also a great choice, especially if they err on the shallower, celebrity-"written" side of the kiddie pool. My favorite, however, will always be Romance novels. 

So tell me why, out of the books I've read in the past few months, Romance has been the genre most clearly disappointing me?

Needless to say, I originally thought this was my fault. 

Obviously this Grumpy Gal isn't in the right headspace to enjoy the fluffy frippery of a Historical, or the hip and current snappiness of a Contemporary. It was only after consulting with my younger sister that I realized I wasn't the only one having this issue: for some reason, we all just seemed to be reading lackluster Romance this Spring. 

sister sister : what's unlovable in Romance

She actually called me before noon, on a Wednesday at the top of March, to regale me with how much she was hating a book I had read just last year: Delilah Green Doesn't Care, by Ashley Herring Blake.

Herself a woman in a committed, long-term relationship with another woman, it was one of her first forays into true Lesbian Romance, and she was utterly disheartened by how frustrated she was with the unlikable main character, and all of the easy breaks this person was managing to get, despite being a regulation pain towards every other person in the cast. 

"I can put up with poor writing," she texted me after our phone chat, "but I will not tolerate unbelievable circumstances." 

Oof. In her mind, what was supposed to be the lighthearted escapism of a Romance novel was getting a little too ridiculous to believe.

After finishing the whole thing, she admitted that she "enjoyed reading it as a whole and clearly blasted through it," but still, even on the other side of it, couldn't come to grips with the issues she had with the characters and plot. She gave it two stars. 

Less than a week later, I'd be on the receiving end of a barrage of texts once more, about a new book she'd started: The Unhoneymooners, by Christina Lauren. 

"My new least fave genre," she wrote, are "romance novels that think enemies-to-lovers is just two detestable people that eventually" end up together. (And yes, that last bit is edited for decency standards.)

A few days later, I got another follow up. "Are straights really like that?" she questioned. "The anger level I feel rn is unreal, also worried about who is seeing me with my eye rolls every 2 sec. U read this one right? Why do people like this?"

Eventually she just had to throw her hands in the air (despite finishing both novels). "This is my cross to bear: being the only person alive who didn't love Normal People, Delilah Green, and The Unhoneymooners." 

Well, not quite the only one: I had also rated both Delilah Green and Unhoneymooners each as a three-star read, though Unhoneymooners had been slightly more of the disappointment, not even making it onto my Goodreads Challenge for 2021. Sally Rooney's Normal People I also couldn't stand, though I have to admit that has to do more with my significant feelings about improper formatting use as a pretentious artistic choice (I rated that three stars, as well, but have since had a wonderful conversation with a friend, who also didn't initially enjoy it, but was prompted to change her mind after listening to an excellent audiobook version). 

Still, after all of this discussion about what we could appreciate and what made us furious about the Romance novels we'd been reading recently, it gave me more cause to reflect on what books had managed to make it off of my TBR, too. 

what I've been reading recently

(Eagle-eyed readers might take notice of two of these titles as being a bit familiar: as you may recall, I did a round of "Speed-Dating My Kindle" specifically for Romance reads back in February, around Valentine's Day, which led to two of these taking up spots on the front page of my Kindle.) 

Here's how my ill-fated exploits went: 

When a Scot Ties the Knot (Castles Ever After #3), Tessa Dare

Three stars.

Tessa Dare was the first-ever true-blue post-'00s-published Historical Romance I ever read, and the Castles Ever After series was the first I'd ever heard reviews about from friends. In fact, one of the reasons this particular book lived on my TBR for so long, was because an Internet friend of mine, who has since gone defunct, used to rave about how much she loved it. 

I'm still a fan of Tessa Dare, but what I'm also saying, is that we have history. And maybe that's why, in some ways, this book just sort of stuck out as a little too... I don't know... young for me? I guess? Just, a little more juvenile or cutesy than generally what I enjoy reading right now. 

Maybe that's also because the main character also feels super young. She's 26, or thereabouts, mind you... but also, severely sheltered, naïve, and regularly defined in the narrative as very small. It's one of the ways that the book almost reads as a kind of fanfiction: Dare's cramming ALL of the early-2010s tropes into this girl. And into our Romantic Hero, too! I mean, a MAN reading a BOOK? Be still my quaking knickers. It really did feel like the ideal audience was your average Goodreads user in 2013. 

But for all the parts that did sound believable - historical background given to the Highlanders military group, chauvinistic attitudes towards women, a character's severe social anxiety - there was only more that felt spun as insubstantially as cotton candy, and it felt like Dare was more interested in writing a SWEET story than an interesting one. 

Romancing Mr. Bridgerton (Bridgerton #4), Julia Quinn

Three stars.

I know this is going to sound absolutely terrible, but every time I read a Bridgerton novel, being a fan of the Netflix show first, I end up feeling... a little let down. In a stunning twist on typical book-lover feelings, I actually do not think these books are better. 

Part of that, I think, is the absence of some of the things that the show does SO WELL: the aesthetic value, the diverse casting, the fantasy of it all. Instead, Quinn's novels feel almost old-fashioned and dowdy in comparison. Additionally, there's the element of sensuality that also feels a little tone-deaf in today's environment: every single couple, it seems, features an experienced Hero and a truly, woefully unprepared Heroine... which makes sex scenes feel tedious, if not problematic. 

But those are just gripes in general... specifically, with this installment, the issue was more with inconsistent character choices. It felt like at every turn, a character felt a certain way until, boom, they didn't. Then they'd be in danger of changing their mind again the second the wind changed direction. Colin doesn't really see Penelope... until he does. Colin never loses his temper... until he does. Colin doesn't trust Penelope after something he sees as a betrayal... until he does. It's enough to give a girl whiplash, emotional carriage rides aside. 

Also, this book made me DISLIKE several of the characters I have otherwise enjoyed from the books, including Eloise and Hyacinth. 

Honestly, I'm considering just sticking to the TV show in the future. 

Bromance Book Club (Bromance Book Club #1), Lyssa Kay Adams 

Two stars. 

Ok. So. The most positive thing I have to say about this book, is that it was short. 

Which is absolutely not a bad thing. I could skim through it quickly, without losing out on plot. I was able to essentially read the whole thing in a total of less than three hours. It made me laugh out loud exactly one time... I just rolled my eyes substantially more often. 

I think my primary aversion while reading this book is that it seemed to have only a tangential relationship with any kind of reality. While the major plot and characters could, perhaps, theoretically exist in some capacity, they were mashed together in such a breathlessly confusing fashion, and behaved in such nonsensical ways, as to render them completely disconnected from any kind of genuine or authentic emotion, and therefore, elicited very little emotional response from me beyond general frustration.

For instance, every single male character in this novel appears to have been concieved solely from the whole "fictional men written by women" trope. The most you got out of each of them, was when they'd suddenly veer off into a diatribe about how PSLs are unfairly mocked because of their ties to gender, or something else that sounds like it should have been a Thought Catalog piece, instead of a blockish piece of interruption. 

The dialogue elsewhere was similarly rough. Most of the secondary characters were barely given any kind of life or color to make them feel more substantial than a cardboard cutout (including, in one notable instance, simply the general idea that they are 1. foreign and 2. have IBS). The romance of this Romance was strangely paced, the points of tension resolving without much major communication or commitment, the stakes involved being way too high to justify the lack of deliberate, purposeful action. 

I mean, the conflict in the book is very much pitched with the idea that he and his wife are divorcing because he's never satisfied her in bed. The reality is much more bleak: after this unexpected, vulnerable admittance from her, he storms off, stops sleeping in their bedroom in favor of the guest room, and gives her the silent treatment, ignoring her completely for TWO WEEKS. And then is surprised when she tells him she wants a divorce! 

Furthermore, they are the parents of two - extremely unlikely kinds of precocious - tiny girls. Our Heroine left college early in order to birth and take care of them, because our Hero's professional baseball schedule makes little room for a partner to serve as anything other than a professional WAG. And not only has our Hero never recognized that this leaves her feeling unfulfilled and lonely... but she's never even felt comfortable TELLING HIM this. 

They didn't need romance novels at all; what they needed was couple's therapy and the chance to actually COMMUNICATE with their PARTNER.

It honestly feels like the Hero has very little agency of his own in trying to win back his wife. I mean, the book opens with him hungover off a booze bender in a hotel room. He's not the one to really opt into the Book Club, he's prompted by his friends; his decisions aren't led by his own judgement, as much as his friends' input, and his attempts at winning his wife over are even cribbed directly from the actual romance book itself. Like I said, highly unrealistic: he clearly cares, so why isn't he actually trying, beyond what all of these people are simply telling him to do? What's going to happen the next time they encounter a problem as a couple? 

And... okay, so spoiler alert for this next section, too. 

I think the thing that irks me the most about the plot resolution was this sudden, miraculous ability to resolve the issues in their sex life. She's been faking for their entire relationship, right? And she's been an interested, enthusiastically engaged party in their decision in a committed, married partnership to have sex, repeatedly, over the course of years. 

But even when they're on the pathway to getting better and solving their problems, they have issues *getting there* as a couple... partially because she gives him zero prompting as to what makes her feel good. In fact, the dialogue kinds of suggests that she hasn't really considered it. And I mean, female sexuality is historically a cultural taboo, and women have been socially conditioned to place their pleasure second, sure, sure. But they clear up their misunderstandings and finally start to talk more about their relationship, and all of a sudden, they're having marathon rounds in a hotel room? How does that make sense? 

Are we to believe her inability to have an orgasm is by sheer subconscious dissatisfaction with her overall life? For YEARS? It honestly would have been more impactful if their sex life had improved in a more gradual way, and I'm talking over the course of months... with time, persistence, and more and more open communication about, specifically, the physical side of their relationship. Or if there had been some kind of personal, medical component on her side that the two of them could have worked through together. Something that would have made what was established in the plot as a clear, present, persistent problem, as something that was more meaningful than just... talking it out a few times. 

All told, I have watched Hallmark movies with more dimension. But again... at least it was short.

at least there's a happy ending for all of this

Thankfully, in the time since reading all of these books, both my sister and I have come out on the other end of this mini Romance-related slump. 

She got snapped out of her cloudy skies with an entirely different, much-hyped Lesbian Romance, one I'd actually recommended for her girlfriend back in December (Count Your Lucky Stars, by Alexandria Bellefleur, which also happens to be set in the city where she and her girlfriend first met). 

Meanwhile, this Historical lover was actually wooed by a Contemporary Sports Romance, of all things... one that was centered around Hockey, a sport about which all knowledge has been gained from Disney Channel Original Movies. However, thanks to commentaries on LGBT relationships and diversity in sports, and as much heart as there was heat - and there was a LOT of heat - Goalie Interference (Hat Trick #2) by Piper Vaughn and Avon Gale redeemed all thoughts of Romance for me over the course of 24 hours. 

Am I going to be attempting another anytime soon? The answer is, unfortunately, yes. "Unfortunately," because this year's Big Box of Paranormal Romance Challenge hasn't exactly been off to the smoothest of starts, something you'll hopefully be learning about soon... once I finally get through my third installment in the challenge for this year. 

Maybe I'll take a break before I get back into that one, though. Anyone got any SciFi recommendations I can pick up instead? 

Have you read any really good Romances lately? When's the last time you were disappointed by one of your "escape" genres? Let me know, in the comments below!

It's Still Cold and I'm Still Busy: What I Read in January, February, and March

Okay. So. Have I been a good blogger recently?

Well. Define "good." And "bad," while you're at it. 

Have I been an absent blogger recently? Well...

Barring a weekend sojourn to Canada for an eventful Spring Break touring around Victoria, BC, you don't really have any idea what I've been up to. You have no idea what I've been working on, and more importantly, you don't know what I've been reading.

So, I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm sorry. I've been a... less than forthcoming blogger. But I've got a slew more posts coming your way over the course of this month, and I'm getting all of that other stuff handled as best I can. I mean, I haven't even been able to watch a single episode of Shadow and Bone Season 2 yet! That's how busy I've been! 

But for now, let's talk over everything I've been reading for the last few months. 

Well. Not everything. But a lot of it. Lay off, okay? 

january

Jane Eyre, Charlotte Bronte

A British Gothic classic, in which the penniless orphan Jane Eyre faces off against social expectations and religious doctrine while also battling feelings for her employer, Edward Rochester... amongst other things. A favorite of English teachers the world over. 

I had a massive hankering for investing myself in this thick and moody classic, since about October of last year. But because I was subsumed under so many different things, I kept pushing it off. I figured it was a good way to start off the new year instead: a hefty, but not insurmountable, reread, one that would allow me to have fun, while also being intentional about my reading habits in the new year. 

I knew I couldn't just throw myself into it without forethought, so instead, I used it as a kind of self-managed care practice: I'd be ready for bed by 10pm, read starting at 10:30pm, and after about three chapters, be tired enough to go to sleep. Not only was this a great habit to start forming, but it gave me a manageable, but not insignificant, chunk to break apart piece by piece. After almost two weeks of reading in this fashion, I successfully made it to the end! 

This was a reread that really made me feel my age... not in a bad way. I think I've really fallen into the habit over the years of reading solely for comfort, as a safe way to do some escaping - hence all the Romance and the novellas and the food writing - and not only did this impress on me the value of "difficult" books, but also, how far I've come since the first time I read it, in high school. A new appreciation for rich and dedicated description, as well as really effective word choice, and a retrospective understanding of a LOT of really effective foreshadowing. I also had a better critical perspective on elements of the more problematic or time-illuminated parts of the book, like the casual racism, or dedication to Christian dogma. 

Plus, I learned a ton of new words. 

All in all, I couldn't have picked a better book to kick off my year! 

Life with the Afterlife: 13 Truths I Learned About Ghosts, Amy Bruni

Television personality and veteran ghost-hunter Amy Bruni discusses growing up with an awareness of paranormal activity, her experiences in the field, and personal perspectives on hauntings she's encountered. 

Pretty close to the turn of the year, Mom and Dad decided that - like last year's sojourn to a local state park - Dad desperately needed to spend his birthday weekend somewhere fun. We ended up settling on Port Townsend: close to the water, packed with charming bookstores, and apparently, very, very haunted. 

Only an overnight, but still, I needed to be prepared. Dad had lent me this book back in December, when I still thought I'd be able to speed read my way through to Goodreads glory; instead, I read this across two days in January, in anticipation of staying in a haunted castle. 

I ended up enjoying myself! (With this read, definitely not the noisy, frustrating castle, which was occupied by both inconsiderate amateur ghost hunters, as well as a very large, very crunchy spider). 

Bruni was someone I grew up watching on Ghost Hunters, and my parents are still fans of her and Adam Berry's Kindred Spirits show. It was cool to read this in her voice (while also being able to tell, by its relatively detached and impersonal narrative, that it was definitely not her words alone).

While I loved her perspectives on being a part of the paranormal community and her details from producing both shows, the damper I felt was from my own personal feelings on hauntings: Bruni is a BELIEVER, to the point of having an entire chapter dedicated to her beliefs about aliens and Bigfoot. While I loved her views on the greater status of ghost-hunting shows as a sociocultural reflection, I couldn't quite commit to the same level of full faith that she clearly has. 

Also read: What a Dragon Should Know, G. A. Aiken, which you can find on another upcoming Paranormal Romance blog post! 

february

Hype: How Scammers, Grifters, and Con Artists Are Taking Over the Internet - And Why We're Following, Gabrielle Bluestone

An enthusiastic and detailed perspective on the failings of Fyre Fest, as well as the careers and ne'er-doings of other kinds of Internet-savvy fraudsters and falsifiers, like Elon Musk, Donald Trump, Caroline Calloway, and more. 

Thanks to our author's attorney background, this book is incredibly well-researched, footnoted to oblivion, and chock full of numerous, credible examples of wrong-doing perpetuated across the Internet and beyond. But because she is a human being who CARES, DAMMIT, parts of his book also carry the unmistakable tinge of emotion, and specifically, frustration: why the hell do these kinds of people keep getting away with it? 

So, well-researched? Yes. Well-composed? Not exactly. Chapters are long, and tend to wander down various tangential pathways when tied to other such credible stories; anecdotes are framed with significant bias and open feeling. In some ways, it kind of feels like Bluestone REALLY just wanted to include as much detail about Fyre Fest as possible, but was beaten to the punch by all of the other flashier coverage dedicated to the event, and her editors wanted her to widen her scope. In particular, the Covid chapter didn't feel organically tied to the overarching themes at all, but more like a publishing house request, as if her editor asked her to add an additional chapter after the first set of lockdowns hit. 

My overall takeaway from this book was that it was an entertaining, slightly horrifying read, and that all business majors should be placed on some kind of government watch list. 

Best American Food Writing 2020, ed. J. Kenji Lopez-Alt

A collection of some of the best short form food writing published in 2019, as selected by chef and Food Lab author J. Kenji Lopez-Alt. 

Truly one of my favorite installments, of a book series I've completely fallen in love with over the past few years. This particular edition occupies a strange place in time: all of the articles included in it were published in 2019, but the book itself was compiled and selected within the context of what was happening during the first few months of Covid. As a result, the context of various pieces feel somewhat suspended in time: post-Me-Too, but pre-George-Floyd-riots, pre-Door-Dash-dependency, but also at a time when its writers were completely oblivious to what trials the foot production, retail, and restaurant spaces would look like in less than a year. 

Personal favorite essays from this particular grouping: 

• an exploration of the weaponization of grits in pop culture and relationships
• a breakdown of the difficulties of simply eating at a restaurant as someone with a disability, and the ways restaurants could make their eateries more accessible to everyone
• a pointed look at Lean Cuisine's marketing reliance on dieting culture, and their adaptation in the face of self-love movements
• separate spotlights on the career dives of media-darling chefs Jamie Oliver and Rocco DiSpirito
• a timeline of the targeted media destruction of New Coke
• a structured and highly-scientific exploration of various supermarket ice cream brands, and where dollar prices make the most sense per consumer experience
• a historical understanding of Prince's Hot Chicken in Nashville
• truly the best and most realistic love letter to the cultural anomaly that is crab rangoon that I've ever read

Food lovers should already be reading this series, but if there was every any doubt on your end, start with this one. 

Also read: When a Scot Ties the Knot, by Tessa Dare, which you'll see on an upcoming Romance blogpost, and Bustin', which you'll see on an upcoming Paranormal Romance blogpost! 

march

Sixteen Ways to Defend a Walled City, K. J. Parker

In a fantasy world where pirates have invaded nearby cities and their locally stationed militia has been brutally taken out by a mysterious outside force, the fate of the empire hangs in the balance held by one single military engineer. The problem is, he barely has any idea as to what he's doing. 

Ugh. Can we all just talk about how disappointing it can be when a book turns out to be just... really problematic? Like if you could only excise out portions of the plot, dialogue, or characterization, everything would be fine. I felt the same way about Alan Bradley's questionable Fu Manchu section in The Bottom of the Pie, which colored my otherwise enthusiastic enjoyment of the book. "Just ignore all of these pages," you'd say, handing a book to a friend, "and everything will be fine." 

And then there's just the anger when you realize why that can't happen. When the problematic content is the driving force behind the main character, the antagonist's conflict, and the overall organization of the world. 

It's easy to be furious at the cruelty of the real world, where people are hideous to each other, where history lays forth in a gnarled and knotted tapestry, of all the ways pain can be inflicted. It's a different flavor of frustrating when confronted with an author who seems to have blindly, misdirectionally, confoundingly, decided to adopt elements of racial cruelty into a narrative, seemingly without considering any kind of an impact that inclusion of those inversions might have on their reader. 

But that's just part of the puzzle. This book could have been really good, and really funny... parts of it still are! But truly bonkers choices are made around world-building, characterization, plot development, and even the final 50 pages or so renders the point totally moot. 

It could have been better, but it wasn't. And I'm having a truly headache-inducing time questioning why the author made the choices he did. 

Across the Green Grass Fields (Wayward Children #6), Seanan McGuire

After fleeing a desperate situation of social upheaval when a confession to a friend goes wrong, Regan finds herself transported to the Hooflands, a wide-spanning world of only hoofed beasts, like centaurs, satyrs, and more. How will she find her way home... and does she even want to? 

I knew pretty quickly going into this installment of one of my all-time favorite Fantasy series, that this particular one wasn't going to be my favorite of the bunch. 

For starters, I didn't find the main character compelling; if anything, one of her first actions, and the subsequent few introductory chapters, mark her pretty squarely as a conformist, and a mean girl, in a situation where I feel like that wouldn't naturally be the case (she's a relatively well-off, middle-class child, who is demonstrated to have a decent social sphere and a natural intelligence and curiosity, with parents who are incredibly supportive and love her. So why shackle yourself to the meanest person you know, who will obviously one day betray you, who's already betrayed somebody else?). The choice seems to make more sense for plotting's sake, as the book that would naturally follow that kind of a character trait would create a plot driven by the idea of gaining worldly perspective, self-determination, and individual identity... but I don't really think those aspects were pulled off that authentically. 

The primary chapters caused additional confusion for me, as they clearly establish one of Reagan's crises of identity as being the revelation that she was born intersex. While it helps serve as a catalyst for primary action, it doesn't play a ton into the overall plot... and while I think that might have been the point of it - normalizing something that's already normal, that many people live knowing about themselves, but isn't really represented in culture or media - it makes for a kind of strange transitionary period at the end of the book. The narrative makes a point of referencing quite emphatically that sixteen years old will be the first time that Reagan has an opportunity to access gender affirming care, but - *spoiler alert* - when she is delivered back into the Real World at this meaningful age, at the end of the novella, it doesn't play into her realizations, inner dialogue, etc. at all. Which, again, maybe the normalization is a part of it, and maybe that kind of healthcare isn't referenced in the narrative because it's no longer something she cares about, but it still feels like it would be more meaningful if that was explicitly brought up. Instead, the plot point just kind of feels like it's left hanging. 

I'm not much of a horse girly, so the world of the Hooflands just really didn't appeal to me either. I felt like it was significantly less established or fleshed out than other worlds visited within the series. I thought it was a strange choice for a supporting standalone installment in the larger set. Apparently, Reagan will play a role in the plot of further books in the series, but for a first introduction, it felt like a weird, sideways kind of way to meet her. 

The major issue I had, though, was with the major theme or takeaway from the novel: that destiny doesn't matter, that you choose your own path, that you don't have to follow the lead that's handed to you. Reagan learns she can make her own choices, and stand on her own two feet, and that's great. The problem I have, though, is that "destiny isn't real" is a massively strange takeaway for a series of novels that are oriented around the sudden, unexplained appearances of magical doors that transport children to worlds in which major lessons are learned, only to then be thrust out of them again having learned their lessons. Destiny doesn't exist, predetermination isn't a factor... except for those big ol' honkin' doors, though. You should still believe in those. 

I've since learned from the Internet that Seanan is a huge My Little Pony fan, which at least explains something. 

Also read: Romancing Mr. Bridgerton and The Bromance Book Club, which will both be highlighted in an upcoming Romance blogpost. 

SO, that's everything I've read so far this year... almost. I've got a Romance blogpost coming up soon, about the - spoiler alert - disappointing Romances I've been encountering so far this year, and I've got another Paranormal Romance installment in the works, too, with some of my first picks from this year's Big Box of Paranormal Romance Challenge! 

What I'm saying is, stick around. Maybe I'll actually start posting regularly again. Wouldn't be the craziest thing to happen so far this year. 

What has been your favorite book of 2023 so far? Have you read any on this list? Let me know, in the comments below!