REVIEW: OKAY, FINE, WHATEVER

To be clear: I am a self-defined coward. In almost all areas of my life, I am in some form of constant terror. While my baby brother finds this amusing, and my childhood best friend finds it infuriating, it's been such a reliable presence in my life that I have even developed a tendency to freak out when I don't feel it. Needless to say, whenever I see a memoir that mentions Anxiety with a capital "A" in the blurb, it winds up in my hands. 

Okay, Fine, Whatever, by Courtenay Hameister is a memoir of Anxiety, chronicling her attempts at breaking through the stress of daily life, by embracing stress in its more exaggerated forms, too. (It's one thing to get over an instance of stage fright, but quite another to visit a professional cuddler, you know?)

Of course I was immediately drawn to Hameister's story, of trying new things and working through fear over the course of a year. However, the trap of being compelled to pick up a memoir of someone you think is very much like you, is that you inevitably get turned off when, eventually, they reveal themselves to not be like you at all.

Hameister portrays this memoir as one oriented around trying new things, and she does: from an isolation tank to water aerobics, to getting high, and getting an MRI, she attempts quite a few new experiences, most of which would spook most people.

The difficulty comes when the majority of them seem to fall into one specific category: Romance. She attempts online dating in three different chapters - chronicling several failed dates within each - and some of her other exploits include doomed romances within the polyamorous spectrum, explorations with public sex, and an instructional fellatio class. Even some of her tamer excursions still find ways to relate to intimacy or sexuality, like getting a Brazilian wax, and visiting the aforementioned professional cuddler.

At times, it felt like the book wanted to tell two different stories, one of Hameister's mental health and working through her anxiety, and the other of her romantic history, as a sort of "getting her groove back" memoir.

In some ways, Hameister does a good job at communicating how her Generalized Anxiety Disorder affects her life; especially in the form of her "stress balls," which weigh in her stomach and balloon small issues into greater ones, like with worries over her career and health. And I did relate to some of her candid accounts of her romantic history... it was just at all the stops after that, she totally lost me.

(Also, side note: she is INCREDIBLY funny, which made the book a little easier to read, too.)

In conclusion: I didn't love the book so much as the idea behind it, and I couldn't stop thinking about how much more I'd enjoy it if it was someone a little more relatable, or if her journey was made a little more clear.

What is something brave or new you've tried recently? Have you read any other memoirs about anxiety? Let me know, in the comments below!

READCHELLA REVIEWS: THE BOOKS THAT SAVED ME FROM THE SLUMP

Hey, remember when I was bemoaning my major reading slump a couple of weeks ago? Remember when I invented a whole readathon weekend in order to compel myself into breaking it? Well, I've recovered - kind of - and despite the fact that this blog post has now mysteriously deleted itself twice, I'm finally ready to review the books I read!

Book #1: The Darkest Part of the Forest, Holly Black

A fave from my college days - lent to me by a serial book-lending friend - that has resurfaced in my reading habits every once in a while since, this book was absolutely perfect to kick off my reading weekend, because it matches a fast-paced plot and action-oriented characters, with a sense of familiarity. 

I maintain that one of the best ways to break out of a slump is with a title you know really well, because if you know the narrative and what's going to be happening around the corner, and you already love it, well, that's going to make you want to keep reading, don't you think?

And what's not to love about this YA Contemporary Fantasy? Hazel, a feisty teen with a big secret, strives to save her faerie-adjacent town from a malevolent force in the forest, alongside her brother, Ben, and his changeling best friend, Jack. Together, they have to track down an immortal prince, who has suddenly disappeared from his glass casket, without incurring the wrath of any of the tricksy figures of the woods, who are beginning to get much braver in their efforts to antagonize the humans of Fairfold.

Not only is it an old fave of mine, but its structure and theming reminds me of some other media I love, too (Check out its place in my reading recommendations for fans of Gravity Falls!). Revisiting it once more was made even easier by doing so in a different format: having it on my Kindle, with a backlit screen, portable size, and easy click-through pages, made getting back into reading easier than if I had tried to do so with a physical book.

Book #2: Nancy Drew #18: The Mystery of the Moss-Covered Mansion, Carolyn Keene (1941)

I have typed and retyped and retyped this section at least three times, but to sound like the cagiest person ever: this simple, antique mystery novel, opened up a whole new mystery for me to explore. Reading it as a part of this challenge invigorated me, partially because it definitely set me off reading quite a bit into its history, as well. In fact, I'm actually going to be covering it as a part of a separate blog post! So, no review for now... you'll be hearing plenty more about it in the future!

But to be clear, some of the reasons it was perfect for a readathon, were its size, and slightly younger intended audience. I still felt like I was reading a real book, because it was an antique copy and over 200 pages... but it didn't really require much mental effort at all. On to the next!

Book #3: The Proposal, Jasmine Guillory

I've been meaning to pick up this Reese Witherspoon book club pick since January, and thankfully, its availability on my library holds lists coincided perfectly with my reading weekend! An airy, un-bothered LA romance that was sunny and sweet, this next read really didn't require much mental exertion to keep the plot moving, either.

When her boyfriend of only five months makes a spontaneous proposal at a Dodgers game - while misspelling her name, no less - Nik needs a way out, and fast. Thankfully, Carlos and his sister are there to help whisk her out of the stadium posthaste. Nik's friends claim he's a perfect rebound candidate, but she isn't so sure... until a few chance meetings - and, well, not-so-chance meetings - later, when she realizes she actually might be falling for the guy instead. But are either really ready for a relationship?

One of my favorite things about this book, was that the conflict or tension was... almost nonexistent. The main characters are well-off and well-settled in their metropolitan landscape of Los Angeles, and are free from any more intense issues plaguing their lives, than coping with bad press (which Nik does easily), and Carlos' cousin's difficult pregnancy (which resolves itself without his input). They have very little baggage to lug onto this particular love train, you know? This frees them both up to fall in love with each other rather easily. In fact, the high point of tension in their relationship, is whether either is actually willing to be in one!

While the lack of conflict may be unrealistic, the cast of characters is much more representative. Guillory has received accolades for her romance reads centering black women in a romance landscape, but I was excited to see that her entire cast is well-fleshed out with people you'd actually find in the real world: our heroine's two best friends are Korean and plus size, and black and lesbian, while the love interest's family and heritage is Hispanic.

My primary qualm with the novel, was that I was a little bummed that the title event of the novel is tidily wrapped up within the first twenty pages or so. There is no lead up to the proposal at all, with the whole thing transpiring within the first few pages, and very little explanation as to why Nik and her d-bag boyfriend Fisher were together in the first place (especially when, spoiler alert, his intentions are later revealed to be kinda racist).

Other than that, it was basically the equivalent of setting your brain on E! channel mode for a few hours... which has made it my go-to beach read recommendation for 2019!

Book #4: Space Opera, Catheryne Valente

Alright, it's the Sunday morning of your readathon weekend, and you stayed up past midnight to finish your romance the night before. What do you reach for next?

Why not something completely different?

This popular, 2019 Hugo Award finalist is a total work of balls-to-the-wall science fiction, in the style of Douglas Adams. Taking the concept of "Intergalactic Eurovision," and decking it out in all the glitter, pizzaz, and gratuitously explained science-ish lingo it can, what results is a fast-paced mad-cap dash into the outer reaches of scientific exploration to save the human race with a failed, aging glam punk band... with significant heart and humor along the way, of course.

In some ways, this was the perfect book to pick for a readathon weekend, because it blasts along at such a frenetic and upbeat pace, that it's hard not to giggle all the way. In others, it was the worst: long and complex alien technological and biological explanations, and surprisingly subtle character moments, had me slowing down, rereading chapters, and trying to find the threads that ran through the narrative. It almost straddles the line, of wanting a little more information about some things, while having absolutely too much about others. For instance, wanting to hear more about the human relationships - which is trotted out piecemeal over the length of the story - versus the detailed descriptions of alien planets and competitions past.

In the end, I was so incredibly happy to have finally gave myself a reason to pick up this read, because on the whole, it did exactly what you wanted it to: it showed me a damn good time. 

I actually was originally recommended this novel via #askalibrarian on Twitter, with my query being "light-hearted science fiction," and this read absolutely delivered. It makes me want to check out more of those responses I got!

So, what do you think about the results of my personal Readchella 2019? Do any of the books on this list appeal to you? Let me know, in the comments below!