Big Box of Paranormal Romance, Part Two: Celtic Rockstars, Vampiric Chosen Ones, and Deeply Un-sexy Succubi

Remember the end of last month, when I was updating you on the progress through my big ol' box of Paranormal Romance novels, and my plans to try and read all twenty of them by the end of the year, and how I'd only managed to get through three of them by the tail end of March? Well, I finished my second batch! It bodes a little better for my chances of completing the challenge than the fact that it took me three months to finish the first three. 

At least until you realize that means I have to finish 14 more in only eight months, leaving an average of about two novels a month of strictly Paranormal Romance standing between me and 2022. 

Slight issue though: I did not exactly have as much fun on this go-around as in my last installment. You might remember that my previous post on the subject involved a one-star, a five-star, and a DNF. These novels... didn't exactly meet that standard. 

Don't get me wrong, I'm still loving this bizarre quasi-research assignment I set for myself. It's been a blast, even if the books themselves haven't warranted a ton of literary merit (except for you, Dream Eyes by Jayne Ann Krentz, you're still perfect to me). It's just that for some reason, out of a highly varied box of strictly romance, I somehow managed to pick a threesome that contained disconcertingly problematic content. 

Read on to see what I mean. 

#4. Immortals: The Crossing, Joy Nash (2008) 

Two stars. 

Summary: Death magic-dealing witch Artemis is in a bind: the life of her son has been stolen by a high-ranking demon, and the only way to win it back is to make a deal with the devil... or at least another lesser demon with enough firepower to make it an even match. However, the price he's set - a bounty of fae magic, siphoned from faerie communities around Scotland - brings her directly into the line of fire of one Macnannan mac Lir; rockstar by day, Celtic demigod by night. Mac isn't too pleased that a witch has been stealing from the supernatural creatures of his domain, but he just can't seem to let the desperate Artemis go. Well, at least he wouldn't, if she'd quit evading his grasp. When the two take the journey to Hell together, will they be able to fight back against the forces of evil... or the bond that draws the two of them together? 

Quote:

His expression turned grave. "You've been in Hell too long, Artemis. Far too long. You could lose the -" He cut off. "You could lose your life essence. Completely. It's bleeding from your soul." 

It's never a good sign when you're reading a romance novel, and find yourself actively rooting for the heroine to get as far away from the hero as possible. 

What makes this even more complicated is when you recognize that she is supposed to be, at least in some fashion, an antagonistic force. After all, she's a witch with demon ancestry, who casts death magic, whose needs have required siphoning power from nearly thirty fae communities, nearly resulting in the death of a fae child. She's bargained with a demon for the life of her son, and desperately needs to get to Hell. But even beyond all this, you can't help but root for her, especially when juxtaposed against the entitled, condescending, egregiously sexist "hero." 

He's a Celtic demigod, who eschews the perfect life offered by living in the realm of his ancestors, in favor of spending his days on Earth, getting drunk, getting laid, and chasing off his legions of dedicated fans. He is arrogant and obnoxious, overpowered and underpowered depending on the needs of the plot, and against all odds, is nearly unyieldingly horny. He also has zero sense of personal boundaries, which makes that last quality very, very difficult to deal with throughout the narrative. 

But it's not just his characterization that provides for some of the most jaw-droppingly questionable content in the novel. There is a huge trope underlying the messy, chaotic plot that specifically had to do with a direct result of his action... or more like inaction: Non-Consensual Pregnancy. As in, not telling the heroine you got her pregnant, actively deciding against informing her about the pregnancy, getting angry with her when she is eventually informed, forcing her into a situation where she has to choose between the life of her actual six-year-old kid and your magical "seed," regularly referring to the pregnancy during interior monologues as "his child".... I don't know if in the year of our Lord 2021, I have to tell you how jaw-droppingly revolting all of that is. It's gross, and honestly, kind of scary.  

(None of that even mentions the part of the book where - under magical influence - the hero attempts to sexually assault her. After the fact, she then tells him it's okay, she knows he would never force himself like that of his own volition... and this all happens at a time she does not yet know she's pregnant with his future kid. Because he has refused to tell her.) 

Any bonus points that may have been awarded for the funny bits - the fact that the entrance to Hell is in the lobby of a two-star accommodation named the Hotel California; the Gimli x Legolas reference in one of the demon realms; the fact that "life essence" can be regained throughout the trials of the journey by hooking up, like if you could have sex to raise HP between the boss levels of a video game - were blown to bits when stacked up against the problematic content. The second half of the novel, the part that takes place in Hell, was my favorite part, because of the inventive and cool ways the circles of Hell served as a contemporary reimagining of those described in Dante's Inferno. The bummer was also that the entire time, numerous references were made on the part of Mac as to how Artemis was putting herself and HIS child in harm's way, without ever being informed that she was carrying it. 

As a closing note: truly, never before have I read the word "whore" as I did so many times as I did in this book. Good gravy. 

#5. Touch the Dark (Cassie Palmer #1), Karen Chance (2006)

One star. 

Summary: Cassie Palmer is having a very bad day: after an obituary with her face on it - and a time of death set for later that night - appears on her desk at work, she knows it's time to leave town. Again. She's been on the run from a vampire mafioso for years, the same one who murdered her parents, kept her as a psychic pet, and whose confidence she betrayed when she turned him over to the FBI. But it seems that even Witness Protection can't keep her out of his hands forever. After seeking help from the Vampire Senate, Cassie realizes that she has a much larger part to play in the immortal community than just predicting winning lottery numbers: she might be the inheritor of one of the most powerful magical gifts known to immortalkind. Now if everyone would just stop trying to kill her for it, she might be able to think the whole thing over. 

Quote:

"Which leaves us with the truth." Louis-Cesar gave a sigh that sounded like relief. "And that means..."

Mircea finished for him. "That they changed history." 

Not to keep talking about tropes or anything, but one of the funny things to come out of reading so many Paranormal Romances in a row, is not only a growing awareness of what kinds are popular, but also, my own willingness - as a reader - to accept those tropes into my reading life. 

For instance, Psychic with a Gun Fetish and References to the Nine Circle of Hell (Casino Element) came back to the foreground in this one, after their integration in some of the other previous novels I've read so far in the box. So did Slightly Problematic Inclusion of Historical Figures as Prominent Vampires (Especially Kit Marlowe, for some reason). Those three were, on the whole, kind of net positives, in my view. On the other hand, I'm starting to get pretty sick of Chosen One stories... and don't even get me on Extreme Age Differences (Centuries-Old Vampire Falls for Regular 20-Something). 

This book tried to be sexy, but fell flat, especially when you consider how problematic that last one is. Especially because, for centuries-old vampires, most of those included in the novel came off as quite naïve and bizarrely poorly informed, as well as overtly sexist. The Chosen One heroine was, as she was told, in possession of unheard-of levels of power, but given absolutely zero guidance beyond personal experience on how to wield it, and constantly kept in the dark of any real, valuable intel, so as to make her dependent on the stupidity of the male vampire characters around her. The inclusion of random folklore- and mythology-adjacent creatures - like satyrs, pixies, and the like - were thrown in almost randomly, and with the sheerest veneer of explanation at their inclusion, or even why the heroine would have known about them at all. 

But besides the high-key, distinctly problematic stuff - dubious lines of consent, sexual assault as corporal punishment, and uses of a virgin/not-virgin designation to, essentially, terrorize and delegitimize the heroine - there was also just a serious lack of narrative build that didn't rely on the heroine's relative powerlessness. 

It's not that she was stupid, it's that she was constantly being manipulated by people with more information than her, so that her development as a character relied on SO. MUCH. INFODUMPING. Pages and pages of it, entire segments at a time. As one negative Goodreads review put it, it felt like almost half the book took place in conversations that happened in one room. Nothing was worth commentary unless described in excruciating detail, for multiple pages. 

Even the dumb, fun, world-building stuff was overburdened by the enormity of the scope, and the bizarre fixations of the characters who inhabited it. And that's all without even mentioning the goddamn time-travel element.

When I first pulled this from the box, I was so stoked to have found the first installment in a series, as most of the others were continued on from previous novels. If anything, this book's status as a first - in a series that now has wandered into its twelfth installment (not counting its FIFTEEN associated novellas) - was one of its biggest detractions. Well, that and all the gross stuff. And the Time Travel. 

#6. My Fair Succubi (The Succubus Diaries #3), Jill Myles (2010) 

DNF! 

Summary: Jackie, a Succubus, finally feels like she has it all worked out. With her best friend safely back in New Orleans, a promising new archeological dig site to call her own, and fallen angel Noah at her side, it feels like everything's finally slotted into place. Well, for a minute. After an awkward proposal and an arrest by a fleet of angelic forces, Jackie finds out she's been placed on trial, accused of a crime she's not guilty of, but is sure to be sentenced for anyways. The only way to get herself and Noah free, is to make a deal with the Archangel Gabriel: she must collect two rogue halos causing destruction on Earth, and return their power to the heavenly host. Piece of cake, right? But when her best friend gets possessed by one of the demons from Jackie's past, she knows she's in over her head, so she turns to her past vampire master, Zane, for a little bit of guidance. What Noah doesn't know won't hurt him... right? 

Quote:

"Consider yourself out of the know, Mr. Gideon. And don't worry, I used my Suck powers to draw him off and convinced him to visit town."

Noah gave a little shake of his head. "Jackie, we've had this conversation before. You need to be careful around the men at camp." 

The reasons I absolutely hated this book, can be explained thusly:

    1. Horny beyond all reason.

    2. Absurdly two-dimensional characters

    3. Really insane use of religious and mythological characters, including angels. Especially angels. 

    4. Plotting that made absolutely zero sense

    5. An endless parade of creepy, patronizing, macho male characters and a female main character tasked with dealing with them

Throw in a scene of attempted sexual assault and a comically injudicious trial, and you've got an all-around disaster on your hands. One that I decided to DNF at the 20.5% mark, which meant I had only made it about 70 pages in.  

The main character was actually okay; it was just that, as a Succubus, she suffered a bit from the frustrating "I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way" Jessica-Rabbit-style lack of respect, specifically due to sex appeal being her defining trait. Everyone was constantly trying to jump this girl, through no real intention of her own, and she was just expected to cope with it being a byproduct of her nature. Moreover, one of her love interests - a fallen angel named Noah - was very unable to not get jealous over it, and deliberately slut-shamed her multiple times in the scant 70 pages I knew him. 

I never even got to meet the second point in the love triangle - a vampire named Zane - because of how early I decided to bail. He never even factored into the equation, other than to serve as a point of weird angst for Noah. 

I hated how bizarrely patriarchal, unequal, unfair, and misogynistic the angels were. I hated how the mythology in the narrative made absolutely no sense, in the relationships between Succubi, vampires, angels, and more. I hated that the plot seemed determined to punish the main character for some reason that was never explained, constantly throwing her in the way of ever-present, specifically-male threats. I hated that out of the 70 pages I read, at least nine of them had to be sex scene-related. 

All in all, I hated it. So I stopped reading. And I don't recommend you read it either. 

PS. The previous two installments in this series were titled Gentlemen Prefer Succubi and Succubi Like it Hot. Don't ask me why they switched from Marilyn to Audrey for the third title. The trend does not continue on in the series. 

And with that, I'm done with another set of Paranormal Romance! I decided somewhere along the way to rank them all, and now that I've finished six of them, I feel like the running is starting to become more of a real competition. Here's where things stand now: 

1. Dream Eyes, Jayne Ann Krentz (5 stars)

2. Immortals: the Crossing, Joy Nash (2 stars)

3. Midnight Lover, Rosemary Laurey (1 star)

4. Touch the Dark, Karen Chance (1 star)

5. How to Lose an Extraterrestrial in 10 Days, Susan Grant (DNF)

6. My Fair Succubi, Jill Myles (DNF)

Thanks to a very patient and supportive little brother - aka, the person who also got me into this mess - I already have the next three books in the series lined up to read. But there's been another little wrinkle: I'm starting to get a hankering for Romance novels that aren't distinctly Paranormal. 

Luckily, this has been staved off for a decent length of time, thanks to the relative variety in the content of the Box. It's not like I'm slogging through one vampire romance after another; there's a wide-scope range in subject matter, sense of humor, action and pacing, and even writing style to keep me in relatively good spirits. It's just that I haven't read a Historical in so long, and even the many Contemporary titles on my Kindle beckon to me when I'm scrolling through my lengthy TBRs. I haven't read a non-Paranormal romance novel since January! 

But with this latest installment - and only two titles a month through December - I'm starting to feel like I really have a shot at killing the Box before the new year. You'll just have to wait and see what I read next!

So, I've made it through six books, two of which have been 1 stars, and two, DNFs. Dare I hope for another 2+ star romance read from the Box? Would you be willing to read any of the books I've reviewed thus far? Let me know, in the comments below!

Chaotic Neutral Book Hacks: The Rule-Breaker's Guide to Blasting Through Your 2021 Reading Goals

If you've read my post on a similar subject last week, you know that in the past year, I've been seriously missing playing DnD with my friends. You'll also know that I've been highly conscious of my lack of ability to finish multiple books a week, another favorite hobby of mine that has suffered in the past year, as my sense of motivation and focus took a debilitating nosedive in the face of a pandemic. 

So, I decided to look up some favorite reading hacks from people across the web, detailing how they manage to make reading such a primary practice in their daily lives. Then, I decided to sort through each of those sources, and sort the practices I liked the sound of into various groups: those that abide by scheduling, intention, and organized progression (aka, the "Lawful Good" way to read), and then... the ones collected in this post. 

The "Chaotic Neutral" pile of quick-and-dirty, spontaneous, minimal-fretting and maximum-effect means of getting your Goodreads to its highest-ever score. 

Don't get me wrong: the "Lawful Good" set of advice, I think, was not only more my speed, but was much more in keeping with the sort of advice you're used to regularly getting from members of the Bookish Community. "Schedule reading into your day," "remove distractions," "set time-based goals," blah blah blah. It really is very helpful, but it's also stuff we've all heard before (and most likely ignored before, too). 

The "Chaotic Neutral" advice, on the other hand... I don't know if I've ever thought about some of these tactics, but I'm absolutely willing to give a few of them a shot.

So, which camp do you think better suits your own alignment? I think that, in a couple of different ways, both sides have quite a bit to learn from each other. At the end of the day, we're all just trying to do our best, and sometimes, our best looks a little different to each person. So, give yourself some grace, let loose a little bit... and give some of these crazy reading hacks a try! 

attack of opportunity:
make the most of what you've got

Only reread books, instead of reaching for new titles. There are multiple benefits to this: you don't have to buy, find, or loot (just kidding) any new material, you can pick it up and put it down easily without getting lost, and chances are, you already really like it. Rereading, to me, is a regular part of my reading practice, and every once in a while, I like to pick up books that are sources of comfort in my life. Once you get into the practice of only pursuing those that are chosen winners for you, you might feel more driven to branch out into different, new material. 

Read "disposable" books. Cheap, mass market paperbacks, backlisted titles no one's reviewing on Goodreads, skinny little paper things that you dug out of the $1 rack of a secondhand bookstore. Giving yourself access to titles with as little hype or preconceived notions as possible frees you up from any kind of social pressure to either read or enjoy it, and you don't have to feel bad if you end up getting rid of it when you're done. Honestly, it just feels better to tear through something weird you paid $2 for, then slog your way to the final pages of a $25 hardcover, and that's what's going to help you get back into regular practice. They don't all have to be winners, you know. 

Read dramatically under or over your own reading level. You may be in your mid-twenties, but there's never a wrong time to give Percy Jackson a try. Same with being a high schooler who's just really feeling driven to pick up some Shakespeare you've never attempted before. In one direction, you're taking a step back to reinvest yourself in fun, fast-paced, easily-accessible literature; in the other, you're taking a shot at the stars. While it may be easier to tackle one than the other, that sense of variety and accomplishment will help propel you forward. 

Only read two pages a day. Seriously, I'm not joking. Simply make the commitment to yourself to only read two pages a day. Sure, you can go ahead and read more than that, too, if you'd like... just make sure that no matter how busy your schedule is, you just make the time for those two pages. Steadily, over time, you will build back up to reading more. It's just getting into the daily practice that's important. 

Only read on certain days of the week, like weekends. Don't have any time for reading, due to work, school, and other kinds of time commitments during the work week? No problem. Only read on weekends. When you remove the expectation, you can focus more on what needs to get done during the week, but you also free yourself up to focus squarely on reading during the weekend. That way, you do away with all that guilt and self-flagellation, and the act of picking up a book rests squarely in the relaxing, indulgent frame of mind. When you aren't so busy, and can take more time for yourself during the week, reading on a weekday will then feel more like a joy than a chore. 

multiclass weaponry:
mix your media 

Get a little bardic inspiration: plug in a pair of headphones that cancel out noise, and keep your brain focused while reading with some accompanying music or white noise that you enjoy. Try out one in millions of reading-associated playlists on Spotify, or take a gander at some of those "coffee shop ambience" sound-mixed videos on YouTube, and see if they help! My brother occasionally goes even one step beyond, and listens to an audiobook at 2x speed while he reads along with a physical copy. I do the same when I read Shakespeare, too! 

Make your technology work for you, like utilizing the Audible / Overdrive app on your phone, or keeping your Kindle app available on multiple devices. If you're someone who's totally addicted to social media - it's okay, there's no shame in it - then try dedicating that attention to the Kindle app, instead, by swapping their locations on your phone. The "eReaders aren't real books" debate is a tired, old thing, and it's more than okay to read books on a digital device... which applies to your actual phone, as well. (Fun fact: my younger sister used to bookmark fanfiction to tabs on her phone browser before we'd head into the Parks on trips to Disneyland, so that she could read them while we were waiting in line... it's easy, convenient, and chances are, you'd be looking at your screen anyways!)

Watch the movie first. It makes way too much sense: read books that were adapted into movies or television you enjoy! Fans of Bridgerton should pick up the romance novels, and those who love PBS mysteries should grab an Agatha Christie or two. You'll have a general idea of what's coming, and it will help pull you further into the story as you anticipate the parts you recognize. My sister saw Gone Girl before she read the book, and guess what? She still loved it! Even the classics - like Pride and Prejudice - have plenty of solid adaptations made of them, and watching the drama play out on screen first might find you speeding through, so you can get to your favorite parts. (This method also helps steer you away from reading stories that you didn't like, which frees up your reading time for more worthy material, too!) 

Similarly, take a look at the Sparknotes summary of a classic before attempting it. Specifically, look at major themes and motifs, and read through some of the main characters and settings, as well as get a quick author bio about the kind of person who wrote it, and the time period in which it was written. It can help orient you to the novel, and tell you what you need to be paying attention to while you read. 

roll for insight:
optimizing your habits

Don't be afraid to skim! This might sound blasphemous - as I'm sure the reason we're all trying to read more books is to actually read them - but in actuality, not every word you read is going to be totally necessary to your sense of understanding. Don't be afraid to gloss over parts that you don't really feel like reading... if a Self Help book offers ridiculously circuitous advice, or a Romance has parts that aren't keeping your attention, feel free to do the bare minimum of intake until you get back to a section that holds your attention. There's nothing wrong with speed-reading! 

Furthermore, DNF ruthlessly. DNF like crazy. Pull absolutely no punches about what you're reading! Read one or two chapters, and put it down if you're not feeling it... and that goes for any point in time in a read, too, so don't worry about page count sunk costs, either. If you don't like it, you're not going to want to read it, and if you don't want to read it, you're going to find it a lot harder to read much of anything. Give yourself a break, and move on, fast! 

Get interactive about what you're reading, by annotating and highlighting the text itself, marking pages that speak to you in pen, or even dog-earing important passages. Each of these practices is, for some reason, almost unspeakable in the bookish community, but honestly, I endorse it fully. (Notable exception: if you do this with a physical library copy, you are one of the worst kinds of human being, right up there with people who fail to use turn signals. Do not mark up library copies!) For instance, as I'm reading through my Big Box of Paranormal Romance, I dog-ear the hell out of the books I'm reading, to flag important conversations and plot points, as well as highlight things I find particularly entertaining or ridiculous. Engage with the content, by whatever means that works for you, and that includes marking things up. This isn't Boy Scouts; leave a damn trace! 

Set a reward. Come up with some kind of external prize for your good habits. While there are plenty that say the act of reading is prize enough, I say sometimes things are more fun when you involve stickers. Mark your progress with things you enjoy, like having a favorite snack available while reading, giving yourself a short break from work, sitting in a patch of sun with your comfy chair, etc. I have a friend from college who spends about thirty minutes unwinding from virtual working-from-home every day, by parceling out a half an hour or so before making dinner, and simply sitting with a fun custom cocktail and whatever book she's reading. While we don't all have that kind of regular bevvie money, we do have the chance to give ourselves more of a pat on the back for pursuing good habits. 

area of effect:
managing your surroundings

Make an absolute mess. Leave books all over your house, in your car, in your bag, in front of your closet door so you have to move them in the morning before you get dressed. By using the power of suggestion and surrounding yourself with reading material, you're far more likely to pick it up... and maybe even someone else in your house might, too! Nothing more compelling than the looming terror of tripping over a novel and braining yourself on the edge of your desk to compel you to clean-by-reading. 

Read during mealtimes, or when you're busy doing other tasks. Whether this looks like waking up your brain at breakfast, keeping yourself company at lunch, or making reading a treat that comes with dessert, you can find plenty of pockets for reading time during the regular progression of the day, by tying it to meals. This goes for other times of day, too: double up and listen to an audiobook while you're busy doing physical activities, like cooking, doing dishes, or making your bed. My younger sister makes her way through long reads by blasting audiobooks through her apartment while she's cleaning up on the weekends, or during hard workouts. My brother likes to listen while he's walking on his college campus to the cafeteria, and continues while he's eating, which makes for a nice mid-day break, too. 

Read during the commercials while you're watching TV. Don't think of reading as some elaborate thing: you don't need perfect conditions, you don't need your favorite comfy chair and your ideal snack, you don't even need to be reading a perfect or especially life-changing book. All you need is to have something to read nearby... fifteen minutes in a parking lot, twenty minutes in between classes, a few minutes here and there really add up over time. Those little attempts at reading can even make those long marathon sessions feel all the more precious and special, and plus, all of this keeps you off of scrolling your phone!

Tell me if this sounds familiar: you sit down at your desk, ready to tackle a big project, but you just can't bring yourself to type anything into that glaring, white, blank document box. So, you spend an hour scrolling on your phone instead. Next time this happens, pick up a book! If you're not actually working, might as well be doing something productive. Read when you're supposed to be doing something else. Make procrastination work for you! 

adventurer's guild:
never go it alone

Get competitive. Measure up your reading challenge numbers against someone else, or start a buddy read and see who can finish their title first. By finding someone to read with, you've automatically tied yourself to a like-minded individual, who makes the same priorities, who can help give advice and reassurance when you're having a hard time, and compel you to continue making the effort. If you really want to get intense about it, make a bet, write dares for the loser to complete, or even put money down, to see who can really make it work.

Put it all out there online. Get social about your reading accountability by making an Instagram or Goodreads account, and invite all of your friends to follow the page. On one hand, you now have a group of people you can chat with about your reading habits; on the other, there's also the element of social pressure to post regularly and read compelling material. I've been blogging for almost eleven years, and still feel the expectation to perform, and post content that doesn't suck every once in a while. Make peer pressure your ally! 

Go read in a public place somewhere, and don't leave until you've finished two more chapters. Be safe about it - duh, Covid - but make sure its a suitably populated environment, like a picking out a bench along a busy sidewalk, or packing a camping chair to lounge in at the park. Better yet, bring someone along with you for the journey. It's like when you did homework in the library back in college, and felt like you couldn't have Facebook open on your laptop, or everyone around you would think you were a slacker. The pressure to read will keep your eyes on your book, and the presence of other people might just keep you focused. (And even if you get bored and distracted, huzzah! You left the house today!) Remember to pack a hat, some sunglasses, and a comfy snack... or, true to the chaotic mindset, just leave the house with whatever you've got on your person right now. Or for the more socially-anxious among us, like me, think about it like a self-kidnapping: set a timer for half an hour, and read with the expectation that you're not allowed to go home until the time's up. 

Whether you're a tank fighter looking to muscle your way through to your best version of your reading self, or a healer just trying to find a little more time to relax with your favorite hobby, I hope you find a few ways to make 2021 a magically bookish year to remember. 

And I also hope I get to play with my buddies again soon, because let's be real, there are only so many Dungeons and Dragons podcasts out there to listen to. Makes me want to find some other way to spend my free time... I just don't know what... 

Are you a Lawful Good reader, or a Chaotic Neutral one? What was your favorite piece of advice from these posts... and which one are you thinking of trying out for yourself? Let me know, in the comments below!

Lawful Good Reading Hacks: The Rule-Follower's Way to Upping Your Goodreads Game in 2021

Over a year's worth of quarantine has meant many things: changes to daily routines and means of living, losing out on major life changes and opportunities, and having your regular social interaction facilitated by way of a litany of various screens and browser windows. And, of course, no Dungeons and Dragons meetings with some of my best friends. 

So you'll forgive me, of course, for wanting to go with a bit of a theme? 

I've talked about it on and off for the past year, but while Covid may have unceremoniously dumped a surplus of free reading time in our laps, it did not exactly yield the kind of mental state that led to wanting to make best use of it... at least, not for me. I lost out on my Goodreads Challenge for the first time ever last year, and even into 2021, it's been a bit of a struggle. 

But with the oncoming Spring, I've found myself considering making a bit of a lifestyle change: what if I gave it a real shot, a good one, to reinvest in myself and my readerly lifestyle? What if I made a plan and a deliberate choice, to plot out my TBR and schedule my reading time, thereby doing something that is beneficial for both myself and the people around me? 

Sounds like the sort of thinking a Lawful Good person might employ. 

So I struck out on a research assignment of my own making, scouring blogs - including my own - and YouTube channels galore, seeking out some kind of hint or hack that might make it easier to bring my own reading hobby back up to personal par. I wrote down what I felt was some of the best advice, organized it based on what I felt was a sensible direction, and drafted out a blogpost... but found frequent recommendations that might not align themselves exactly with my own favorite D&D alignment. 

Some of them, actually, came out a little bit more... chaotic. 

With that understanding in mind, I drafted out a second blogpost, too: whereas this one is more for the structured, plotting, rule-following among us, I've got another just up the pipe that gets a little more loosey-goosey with our favorite habits. Not that you won't find some kind of advice that appeals to both sides of yourself within these tidbits of advice... work with what makes sense to you! 

But at the very least, if you're like me - someone who's had a real devil of a time in trying to make sense of yourself and the world around you in the past year - I hope you give this post a read. We could all use a little help, after all. Maybe this way, you'll find a tip or trick that can help load the dice in your favor... or at least give you advantage on your next roll. 

favored terrain: 

it's all about environment

Get rid of time wasters with app blockers, screen time monitors, and more. Log out of accounts that are easily accessible to you, and the extra effort it takes to log back in might serve as enough of a mental check to keep you focused on your path, instead. 

Remove distractions from your reading environment. Find a quiet space, or use headphones or earplugs. Grab a blanket or some fuzzy socks if there's a chill. Bring your water bottle with you. 

Do you have what you need? Consider large-print books, or adjusting the view on your eReader device, which usually also come with a dyslexia font function. Make sure you're not straining your eyes by reading somewhere that's not getting enough adequate light. 

Take yourself out on a reading date. I sometimes get annoyed with the amount of pictures on my bookstagram that show someone chilling in a cafe, with a pretty beverage, with a book and journal out in front of them on the table... but honestly, that's the perfect way to make sure you get reading done, if that's what it calls for. You get a nice afternoon to yourself and a nice book, get to enjoy a hot beverage and the fun environment of a coffee shop, and even can make for a moody picture to post to the 'Gram about it later (but only after you're finished!). Other options include an outdoor picnic during the Spring and Summer, chilling out on your patio or balcony, or even in your car, on the road! Just make it something new and different than what you normally get to experience. 

bag of holding: 

what've you got?

Make best use of bookish systems that work for you, be it a Goodreads account, keeping an Excel tracker or a book journal. Book journals are an especially good choice, because they can help you keep track of what you've been reading in a physical, hands-on way... they also serve as a great place to keep your goals and habit trackers in regards to reading, as well as jot down a few notes about books as/ after you read them, so you can remember them better later on!

Get some cute bookmarks, and use them. They're pretty to look at, and you'll want to show them off! 

Make sure you always have something new and exciting on hand. Whether this means you stalk local book sales, check out other retailers, like Book Outlet or Thrift Books, or get good with your library's eBook and hold systems, it's easy to generate lots of new material, for a much less daunting price than buying new, especially hardcovers. By prioritizing easy access to new material, you know that you'll always have compelling reads close on hand. And by keeping track of things like sales, going thrifting, and especially making best use of your library, your new favorite hobby ends up being pretty darn cheap! 

Keep a book always attached to your phone. Consider them a bound-together kind of pair... that way, you'll always make sure you have both in your purse, sitting next to you on your desk, etc. 

Use page flags to mark your aspirations for how far you want to read in a day. Want to make sure you make it to at least 50 pages? Slip a post-it note or second book mark as to where that segment ends. Work your way towards it at your own pace, but make sure to keep going until you hit it! 

roll for initiative: 

it all takes practice

Read "at your level." Are you so desperate to claim or reclaim your title as "book-reading smart person" that you're reaching for The Brothers Karamozov before you'd even really cemented yourself back in the habit? Try taking things a little slower. Meet yourself where your skills are first, and build up from there. 

Change up the genre direction. Nonfiction, memoirs and informational reading. Literary fiction, romance, fantasy, mysteries. YA, NA, middle grade. Short stories or novellas instead of novels. Even try your hand at a comic book, or a manga! 

Set time- or activity-based goals while you're reading. For instance, "If I read for twenty minutes, I can take a social media break for five." "If I read for half an hour while the cookies are in the oven, I can have one fresh instead of putting it into Tupperware." Or you can think about time blocking your reading in a similar fashion: one episode of your tv show could instead be another 75 pages in your recent read, or one social media binge could amount to another chapter. Set expectations as to how you want to invest your time, and use it for either goal-setting or as a reward. 

Go for a reading sprint, where you dedicate a certain amount of uninterrupted time to reading, seriously, as much as you can. Even some twenty minutes of singularly-focused, dedicated reading a day, can lead to you finishing a book in a week or two that you might otherwise not have read! 

Get multi-media. Read a book your favorite movie or television show was based off of, look up inspired playlists on Spotify, try a recipe mentioned in your most recent read, or listen to a podcast discussing a book you've been dying to get to. By connecting the things you're reading to other favorite parts of your life, it inspires you to continue on. 

Find a niche subject you're especially interested in, and pick up a whole bunch of books on that subject. I have somewhat irrational fixations on both Culinary School and Urban Gardening, and have entire stacks organized around such subjects tucked into various corners of my room, not to mention that giant box of Paranormal Romance novels hidden behind my reading chair. Find what compels you! 

Join in on a Reading Challenge: one of my favorite things, every summer, is when the Seattle Public Library puts out their Book Bingo Reading Challenge. It guarantees that I'll pick up something unexpected over the summer, and I absolutely love the sense of validation that comes from checking off squares! 

party of adventurers: 

find your team

Join a book club! It's fun, and there's accountability in groups. It's easy and convenient to meet virtually, but it's also fun to meet in person. Go to an author event together, or a book festival, etc. and you'll find more ways to connect with like-minded, book-loving people. 

Which is important, because you should really try and surround yourself with other people who love books. If there aren't people in your real-life you can talk about reading with regularly - for instance, my younger brother and I have regular Zoom calls about Romance, while I chat with my friend Keller about Science Fiction - I would also recommend considering something like making a bookish Instagram account, where you can connect with book people around the world. There are a ton of different Facebook group pages where people meet up and talk about favorite authors and genres, too! 

Have a "Reading Party." I have only the best of memories about various Read-Ins we'd have in elementary or middle school, where we'd have entire hour blocks - or in one memorable instance, a whole afternoon! - dedicated to reading. We were allowed to bring in pillows and blankets, took snack breaks, had music playing softly in the background, and we could read wherever we wanted, including along the walls, underneath other desks, next to our friends, etc. Preserve that magic with your loved ones, by having a reading party all your own... grab a buddy or two, find somewhere quiet, and pull out something cool to read. Don't have any reading-minded friends? Ask if you can stay in a room with someone who is playing video games or cooking, doing a craft, etc. and make use of the time and proximity to read while they're busy. 

long rest to regain HP: 

take a break

"Go to bed" - or at least your bedroom - early. This forces you to either do a little reading in bed to wind your way down after a busy day, or it makes you sleepy and you wake up earlier, which gives you more time to read in the morning before you get your day started! 

Don't read in your actual bed, though. Make sure you're relaxed and comfy, sure, but try not to read in the place where you spend a lot of your day sleeping, too: on one hand, it may knock you out, and on the other, it may make it more difficult for you to sleep later.

In the words of my HR-focused, mission-minded sister, "try and take it back to the why." Give yourself a chance to really consider why you are so focused on reading more. Is it for the right reasons? Are you doing it because of positive pressure, or negative? Once you do some reflection on why it is important to you to make reading a priority, consider making those reasons into some form of external record: hang a poster next to your bookshelf, or write it on a bookmark to take with you. There are plenty of good reasons, but you need to find one that is most personal to you. Commit to making reading a priority. 

Think about how you feel when you read. What does reading, as a practice, feel like for you? Do you feel drained, frustrated, distracted? Do you feel renewed, introspective, rested? Where do you feel the effects of reading in your body... are you more relaxed, or do you feel cramped and claustrophobic? Were you constantly getting interrupted, did you feel like you couldn't relax, were you unable to focus for a long period of time? Listen to how you react to reading... if the overall experience is negative, then something needs to be changed, be it the location where you're reading, or the genre you're paying attention to, etc.

Don't try to force yourself if you're not having a good time. Sometimes there are just more important things to focus on, or you have other places in your life that require more attention. Reading should be an act of personal enjoyment, fun, a hobby instead of a chore. Don't be too hard on yourself if you're really not in a good place to be reading. 

Still, there's one more thing worth mentioning: at the end of the day, it's going to be the act of reading more that makes you... read more. Not only do your skills improve and you find yourself reading faster, but also, putting yourself into the habit makes reading a more likely way for you to pass the time regularly. 

Of course, if none of this all worked for you, there's another blog post coming in the next couple of days that might strike you as more helpful. (Particularly those of us who skew a little more to the Chaotic side of the alignment.) 

Whether you're a barbarian who dogears the pages of their Historical Fiction, or a warlock who needs to have at least one cup of hot tea and their favorite blanket to get comfortable with their favorite Romance author, I hope you find a way to read today! 

What's your favorite D&D alignment? Are you trying to up your reading goals in 2021, too? Let me know, in the comments below!

Big Box of Paranormal Romance, Part One: Racist Vampires, Alien Drama, and Psychic Crystal House Explosions

If you are someone who reads my blogs regularly - as in, hello to my Dad and little brother and assorted other friends - you might recall, towards the end of last year, that I received a very unconventional Christmas present: a box of 20 random, backlist Paranormal Romance novels, purchased wholesale for about $25 on eBay.

If you're someone who follows me on my Instagram account, you might recognize the beginnings of this project, as I gleefully shared excerpts from the first few chapters of the first novel in my Stories. Within only a couple of hours, I had received about eight messages from various people, discussing the material and the zaniness found within. 

And within two days of publishing reviews of each of these recent reads to my Goodreads account, I'd been blessed with three additional texts from people, asking what the hell is going on. 

So, basically, here's the gist: I've got the romance novels, I've got the will, and as of right now, I've got nine more months to put a bow on 17 more of these 20 reads. They may not all be good, but I'm certainly been having a good time.

Well, mostly. 

Wanna know what I mean? Here are the first three books I've read from the box. I hope you enjoy reading the reviews as much as I did reading the novels... and in some cases, maybe even more. 

#1. Midnight Lover (Forever Vampires #5), Rosemary Laurey (2007)

One star. No, I'm not kidding. And you'll see why. 

Summary: After the events of previous novels, Toby Wise, vampire, is installed as head of a company now facing FBI scrutiny after the suspicious paralyzing injury dealt to its founder, and its vanished previous CEO. However, that's not all he has on his hands: the small Oregon town in which he is now stationed by his vampiric boss seems to be under attack by some kind of invading clan. Add on a witch being persecuted by the nearby police force, and a young nurse he can't keep his teeth out of, and there's already a lot going on in this fifth installment of the Forever Vampires series. And that's even without mentioning the chupacabras.

Quote: 

He wished him luck. He wished himself luck. A witch as a houseguest, a rogue vampire in the vicinity, the FBI, falling in love - life in Oregon was nothing if not interesting.

What I enjoyed: 

- terrible names (Toby Wise, Laura Fox)

- the existence of both Kit Marlowe and Vlad the Impaler within the actual cast of the book's characters

- the chupacabra subplot

- the use of "Nice!" as an exclamation during a love-making scene

- the FBI systematically ripping the main character's home apart for no reason, including accidentally hauling a vampire away while inside of his coffin, who then later bursts out of the side of the FBI van he's being hauled away in completely naked

- Non-ironic internal monologues including the phrases "Wowee!" and "Yikes!" 

- a French vampire who everyone hates for seemingly no reason, aside from the fact that he is French, who ends up hooking up with a 60-year-old woman by the end of the book

- that a female character, who was a main in a previous installment of the series, is a "ghoul," essentially just a human with vampire powers who lives off of raw meat, including spending a scene where she carries dialogue just absolutely housing plastic trays of raw chicken

Things I did not enjoy AT ALL, which are also the reason I cannot in good conscience recommend this book to anyone else to read:

- weirdly-placed casual homophobia

- blurry lines of consent

- racially-charged characterizations of antagonist vampires as specifically from Central America, including the fact that they utilize chupacabra familiars and use their paranormal gifts to install drug cartels in small towns as a means of gaining money and power

- out of the three Black characters, one ends up being the only sympathetic death in the book

- out of the three Black characters, one - the only woman of the three - ends up being introduced in uncomfortably sexually-focused terms, despite the fact that she is literally an FBI officer

- out of the three Black characters, the two male vampires come from inherently racist origins in ways that are spoken about with entirely too much nonchalance (ie, one came from a bad foster care system in their youth, and the other was born a slave in South Carolina, who talks about being whipped as a human, and how his relationship with a white female character would have been grounds for lynching in another time)

- the literal use of the n-word from one Black character against another, deliberately tagged in the dialogue as meant to be an insult (page 96)

- that the author was writing all of this as a British grandmother in 2007 and thought it was all cool and fine and normal

- the fact that almost none of this is mentioned in any of the Goodreads reviews on the site!! 

Dream Eyes (Dark Legacy #2), Jayne Ann Krentz (2013)

No joke, literally five stars. Five stars of brain candy fun.

Summary: Gwen Frazier never thought she'd come back to the small Oregon town of Wilby, after a research project on psychics - led by her mentor, Evelyn Ballinger - resulted in the deaths of three people... one of whom was a killer, stalking the other project participants. However, after Evelyn ends up dead under suspicious circumstances two years later, Gwen is convinced that some horrible force is at work again. Calling in a favor from a friend, she's joined by psychic investigator Judson Coppersmith, who vows to help her discover what her mentor's work was hiding... despite his aversion to her own gifts. Soon enough, they're locked in a battle with someone just as powerful as they are, but whose intentions are far less noble, one that could bring about only more misery if left unchecked. 

 Quote: 

'How did you survive?'

'The old-fashioned way. I had a gun. I used it.' 

After my first entry into reading from my big box of backlist Paranormal Romance titles, I was seriously nervous about getting through the rest. Would they all be so problematic? Should I expect nothing but a barrage of issues with consent, racism, etc, in front of me?

Thankfully, my second foray had absolutely none of that. What it did retain, however, was all of the batshit crazy material I'd been hoping for when I first opened up the box. 

This novel follows a couple of psychics, facing off against a serial killer who's been bumping off psychics. The hero's name is JUDSON. There are at least nine pages of content explaining the rules and regulations of psychic powers and the limits and mechanics of those abilities, for every page of actual romantic material. There are magical crystals that can be harnessed and utilized to inflict psychic damage, and at one point, a house full of windchimes spontaneously combusts because of the amount of psychic energy being generated therein. 

And it was utterly, completely delightful. There was decent representation in the inclusion of an awesome LGBT character, it was secretly funny in the kind of way that had me dog-earing pages just so I could come back to the banter later, and it was actually written with pretty good plot progression, to the point where I questioned if the author had ever written for television... or at least a Nancy Drew video game. 

But if they were / are, this installment clearly saw them working without an editor, because a lot of the plot, especially character backgrounds, felt a little like flinging spaghetti at a wall and seeing what sticks (in only the most joyous of ways). From a serial killer sourcing his prey through online chatrooms, to a shady pharmaceutical company testing highly addictive substances on psychics, to a cult leader manipulating people with drugs, and a miner whose DNA was altered by the ultraviolet radiation in a crystal mine explosion, this book really did feel like it had it all. And that's not even mentioning the character who got sent to an evil boarding school after the death of her parents led to her ability to see ghosts reflected in mirrors. 

Truly, my favorite part about the whole book, was coming to the realization that I have a new favorite trope: characters who are gifted with paranormal abilities, but who continually opt to reach for a firearm instead. That, everyone, would be Judson. But not only does this man love to use his handgun, which he keeps strapped to his ankle... Judson is also described in one intimate scene as removing his khakis, which means that this man wears khakis with a wide-enough bottom hem so that he can access his piece when he needs it. Which is always. 

He likes the heroine of the novel pretty well enough, too. 

How to Lose an Extraterrestrial in 10 Days (Otherworldly Men #3), Susan Grant (2007)

DNF!

Summary: Evie is an overworked, underappreciated, single mom, currently dealing with an obnoxious ex, a chaotic home life, and, oh yeah, the post-traumatic stress of being stalked through her own home by a cyborg killer on the hunt for her future brother-in-law. When aforementioned cyborg Reef - now rehabilitated - is dropped on her front porch, in an effort to hide him from government forces seeking to exploit his technology, she sees an opportunity to break out from the mold of her politically minded family, and use his help in managing her fledgling chocolate strawberry business. Will Evie and Reef's past keep them apart, or lead them to a love that's out of this world? 

Quote:

'But he's... an extraterrestrial.' The word squeezed past Pierce's straight, perfectly white clenched teeth like dough through a cookie press. Except if his voice were to be made into cookies, they'd be inedible, bitter and burned.  

Wow, I can't believe that I finally ran into my first DNF! In actuality, this book was so difficult to read, that my avoidance of even working my way another chapter into the book sent me into a slump for two weeks. Even the heinously racist vampire book didn't manage that! 

What ended up being the death knell for this book for me, wasn't just the fact that the writing was pretty bizarre, but that it also handled a lot of heavy topics that I couldn't really rely on the author to deal with appropriately. Seriously difficult subject matter that kept being thrown at the reader - torture, inoperable kill switches, government intervention, mob involvement, direct violence enacted against characters, etc. - was constantly getting entangled with somewhat breathlessly stupid characterizations and dialogue. 

Most notably, our main character is one kid in a long line of a political dynasty, the only one who doesn't seem to have much of a elite streak. She's an unhappy housewife - the mother of two kids she shares with a cold and unfeeling adulturer ex-husband - who is also constantly beleaguered by requests from her oblivious, well-respected family members, who rely on her to take care of the dirty work of their lives, but also seem hell-bent on undercutting her sense of self-worth at every opportunity. Her attempt to prove them wrong? By starting a CHOCOLATE-COVERED STRAWBERRY business that caters to large events. But that's not all: she decides to really tell her family off by donating the proceeds to charity, directing what pittance she earns towards funding organizations that end child trafficking. She justifies this with the acknowledgement that had Earth been invaded (as was attempted in a previous installment), the entire human race might have been sold into slavery on other planets. And that's why chocolate-covered strawberries are so important to her! 

It's as if there's absolutely no balance the serious, dark implications of subject matter, and the neon pink goofiness of the actual writing. The extremes are far to much to trade off between. 

The part where I closed the book for good was actually when it became clear that the heroine's relationship with her d-bag ex-husband was going to end in trouble... like, in a "he's actually building a really effective case for renegotiating child support against you and removing your legal right to see your kids" kind of way. In a mild panic, I flipped to the second-to-last page to see if it managed to get resolved all right by the end, only to see it flippantly abandoned with only the sheerest veneer of quasi-resolution (aka, she is handed a court warrant, which she then tears up in front of him, and tells him 'Bite me.' Which I feel like wouldn't stand up in an actual court of law?)

In total, the book didn't seem to take itself seriously, so it became borderline painful for me to take it so seriously. I read Romance for an engaging distraction, not a parade of Sad and Bad Things that never end up being resolved before the HEA. Really just not my thing at all. 

Important note about the author, though: this book was originally sold as a mass-market paperback by Harlequin, in 2007. Since then, the author appears to have since purchased her own material back, repackaging and selling it under a new name - Cyborg and the Single Mom - as an ebook, through publisher Singing Tree Media, via Amazon. Due to the importance of ebook purchasing and availability in contemporary Romance readership, and its lucrative nature for authors, I wanted to make sure that at the very least, I shouted out Grant's business acumen. Woo, you go, Susan! Get that shmoney! It's the sort of thing I hope to see more traditionally-published Romance authors doing in the future. 

So, I'm three books in to a twenty book box, and it's already the end of March. Do I have any hope of completing my self-imposed reading deadline? Should I be DNFing books at all... or should I be DNFing MORE books? What should I read next? Let me know, in the comments below!

Top Ten Tuesday: Eleven (!!!) Books I Need to "Clean Off" My TBR

"Top Ten Tuesday" is a weekly bookish meme, hosted by That Artsy Reader Girl!

So... I'm in a bit of a pickle. Well, not quite a pickle, per se, but definitely a slump. The slumpiest kind of slump. The kind of slump that means it's somehow March, and I've only read four books so far this year. 

While I came into 2021 strong, determined to make the most of the time I had, in a way that I wasn't able to do in the chaos of 2020, I quickly fell into the same patterns of endless doom-scrolling and curating overly specific Pinterest boards in a way that gobbled up all of my attention. I was a little taken aback recently, when I was filling out the February pages in my Book Journal, and saw that I had actually only managed to finish one (!) book in the entirely of the month (and it was one of those Paranormal Romance novels I've been talking about!). 

Which is especially embarrassing, when you take a look at all of the books stacked next to and around my bed. On the second shelf of my bedside table, on the coffee table under the lamp, all you can see are books! So why have I not been reading them? Well, I actually have been, kind of... it's just that I haven't been finishing them. 

So, for this "Spring Cleaning" themed installment of Top Ten Tuesday, I figured I'd share a little bit about all of these miscellaneous titles I need to "clean" off my TBR, before I can make way for something new. 

currently reading (sort of)

1. The Lies of Locke Lamora, Scott Lynch

This book has been on my TBR shelves for literal years and years - after purchasing it based on the glowing recommendations of a ton of people - so it's funny to admit that the reason I finally picked it up was because one of my friends said I should really "get around to it when I have the chance." Oh, a casual rec given during a FaceTime where you also tell me to read two other books I also have in my possession? Obviously I must begin immediately, because I love you. 

While I am genuinely enjoying the fast-paced action and non-chronological storytelling, there's something about this behemoth of a Fantasy novel that I'm holding at arm's length. I think it's because it is so large... if I dedicate myself fully to tackling this one, it will still take a lot of time and focus to make it to the end! 

2. Joan of Arc, Mark Twain

But speaking of high commitment, I feel like I need to tell you that the same day that I began the 700+ page Fantasy, I also cracked open this title, an also hundreds-of-pages work of Historic Sentimentalism that would be, for me, actually a reread. I first took up this novel when I was 17, and going through Confirmation classes at church, but being that we're moving through the season of Lent right now, I figured it might be worth the revisit. 

Needless to say, there's a lot more that's catching my attention now, a full decade after my first perusal, and my palms are sore from catching all of this stuff that used to just fly over my head. So it's almost a higher level of self-inflected expectations, as well, as not only is it a huge read, and a difficult genre, with both literary and personal meaning to grapple with... it's a lot! 

3. How to Lose an Extraterrestrial in 10 Days, Susan Grant 

This is my current exploration, plucked from my giant box of Paranormal Romance reads, gifted by my younger brother for Christmas. Originally, I had planned on making my way through all twenty before the holiday season came around again, but if we're basing expectations off of what I've managed to accomplish thus far, there's no way I'm even making it halfway to that finish line! 

Plus, the theming and plot details of this alien-based steamy read are way more detailed - and honestly? kind of intense - than I had expected. The tone of the book so far doesn't feel like it matches the genre or cover material, so unless things even out fast, this is going to be a much bumpier ride than I thought it was going to be. 

4. Content Marketing for Nonprofits, Kivi Leroux Miller 

In a confusing twist, this book - a dense and comprehensive take on the whole, complex practice of managing socials, website, press materials, and more, for nonprofits big and small - has been one of the most enjoyable and consistent reads I've been making my way through in the past month. And that comes along with the fact that I've been taking copious notes throughout the whole process. Odds are high that of all of them, this is one of the books I'm going to be finishing first! 

5. Artificial Condition (Murderbot #2), Martha Wells 

Yeah, I've got nothing. Absolutely nothing to excuse this one. It's literally a novella, in a series I enjoy, that I've been reading alongside other friends. Technically, I'm even almost finished with this! I only have like 5% left on my Kindle copy, and the ebook is due back to the library in like two days. What the hell. I mean, I have to switch between the Content Marketing ebook and this one when I read them? Is that a good excuse? 

(My brother, who is also waiting for this ebook from the library, is going to kill me for this one.)

on the pile (aka, from much longer ago)

6. Pilgrim at Tinker Creek, Annie Dillard

Started: last March. I'm a fan of Annie Dillard - especially her memoir An American Childhood, which I have read a couple of times since first encountering it in high school English class - and I know this is her big "claim to fame" title, so I figured I should probably get around to reading it. However, it's really just a whole truckload of description about the wonders of the natural world, which doesn't exactly make for a real page-turner. 

7. Interview with the Vampire, Anne Rice

Started: October. Man, this was the perfect thing to read at the time I was originally reading it, back in October, in the Halloween Times. But unfortunately, it's a little dense, with a lot of character detail, and I'm reading it from an old mass market paperback I picked up from a Goodwill a long time ago, which makes for slow going. So when I didn't finish it before the clock chimed on Halloween, I felt weird continuing on through November or December. But honestly, Spring and Summer are pretty great times to read spooky stuff, too, so maybe it's time to give this one another go? 

8. The Sweetness at the Bottom of the Pie, Alan Bradley

Started: August. This is another example of a fun, exciting read, that is a little intimidating based on its size and relatively fast pace. I'm poised right after the body was found in this engaging, unique mystery novel, but I'm way too nervous to dive back in and get swept up in the plot unless I'm ready to, like, commit. Which is a very special kind of stupid, when you consider the rate at which I've been known to go through an Agatha Christie novel in my time. 

9. Manhattan Beach, Jennifer Egan

Started: last February. UGGHH. So here's the deal: Jennifer Egan is one of my all-time favorite authors. Her book A Visit from the Goon Squad is one of my all-time favorites. I own almost all of her titles, and have read over half of them, including her short story collections. And when I heard that she was publishing a period piece, I was floored. 

But when I finally got around to picking up this much-hyped title... I hated it. Just, really didn't like any part of it. Yes, it was still clearly her voice, but it fell into so many trappings that are typical to her, in a way that I found really uncomfortable and off-putting. So, I'm more than halfway through it, and it's been taking up space on my table for a full calendar year... but I have absolutely no idea what to do with it. 

(Realistically, I know that I should probably just get rid of it... donate it or something. But it's Jennifer Egan! And everyone else I know who's read it, loved it! BUT I've had this book on my table for practically as long as there's been a pandemic!) 

10. Jane Austen: A Life, Claire Tomalin

Started: last February. This one is actually a fabulous read, too. Just a lot of really great historical context for one of England's most famous authors. But when I say A LOT, I mean a lot... enough detail to send a weaker person screaming. You know, like me! 

Just kidding. I mean, I did make it through the first half of the book, and it was a really good time, especially considering the amount of foundation that's laid in simply illuminating the members of her extensive family. But it was a little too much all at once, and then once I took a break, it was difficult to jump back in... and now that we're a full year out, I don't know if I'd remember enough to make the attempt! 

11. The Well of Lost Plots (Thursday Next #3), Jasper Fforde 

Started: last April. Remember when I decided that my deteriorating attention span and fading sense of optimism, in the face of the constant onslaught of terrible pandemic news, meant that I should reread one of my all-time fave series? And then I stopped in the middle of the third installment because I got too overwhelmed and didn't pick it back up again for the rest of the year? Ahahaha. It's fine. I'm fine. 

What topic did you choose for your Top Ten this week? Got any ideas about which of these books I should bump to the top of my TBR stack? Let me know, in the comments below! 

Top Ten Tuesday: Resolutions for 2021, Bookish and Not

"Top Ten Tuesday" is a weekly bookish meme, hosted by That Artsy Reader Girl!

New year, new me. I promised myself that this year, I'd upload at least 50 blogposts, and here I am, at Week Two of 2021, and I've managed to get my second post of the year up! Sure, it may seem too early to celebrate, but we're leaving that energy behind in 2020, and popping bottles for the little things. Well, bottles of kombucha. And not too many times in one week, or it makes my stomach hurt. Three cheers for implementing positive habits! 

And while we're on the subject of changing our lives for the better, here are some of my 2021 New Years Resolutions, both Bookish and Not! 

bookish

1. Read over 50 Books! 

As you might have seen in the post previous to this one, I didn't make it past my Goodreads Challenge of 60 books last year. I've decided - now that I've done with sulking  - to make a directional adjustment, and instead of punishing myself by trying for an even higher goal, I'm actually bringing things down to a slightly more achievable number. Hopefully, I'll use it as an excuse to keep the pace, and pick up bigger and better books along the way, too. 

2. Conquer the box of 20 Paranormal Romance reads my brother gave me for Christmas.

As you might have seen in the post previous to the one previous to this one, my younger brother surprised me with a box of twenty backlisted Paranormal Romance novels, purchased in a wholesale lot from an eBay retailer, as a part of a Christmas present. Naturally, I'm going to have to read each and every one of them in the next year... otherwise, what am I going to do if he does it again?

3. Read down my home TBR shelves as much as possible.

I say - without any ounce of sarcasm, falsehood, or pride in the slightest - I have almost 200 physical copies of books I have not yet read, sitting on the shelves in my room, right now. That's not even including the ones on my Kindle... or, I think, the aforementioned twenty new Romance novels. I really need to get a hold on this thing, before my room is any more overrun by reads than it already is! 

4. Add in everything I read to my Goodreads... not just the stuff I can "admit" to reading. 

This honestly bears more going into at a later date - and is a subject that will probably crop up again periodically throughout the year - but historically speaking, I have never regularly included Romance novels in my Goodreads Challenge, or even rated them on the platform all that often. Sure, there are some exceptions to the rule, but those reasons only serve to make my threadbare rationalizations all the more stark: the ones that do make it are the cutesy, illustrated covers, not the hardcore bodice-rippers I might find embarrassing. God forbid my friends and family might learn that this twenty-seven-year-old likes to read romance novels. It's time to put my ratings where my reading habit is, and actually own up to everything I read... and that goes for cookbooks and academic reads, too. 

5. Try and update my blog (and Instagram) once a week. 

This is, of course, loosely translated to the idea of approximately 50 posts, total, in a year. For some frame of reference, I haven't managed to do so since 2018, only managing 29 in 2019, and 26 in 2020. So I'm feeling like there's plenty of room to grow here; it's just going to take some special time and attention. At the end of the day, I've got plenty of feelings to talk about, it's just the "sitting down and typing it up" part that gets a little more difficult. And my photography skills are non-existent. Maybe I won't be saying the same thing in the new year? 

non-bookish 

6. Take a financial literacy class, and pay more attention to my math skills in general. 

I was kind of raised on the idea that I was a "words person," not a "numbers person," in a way that really defined itself once math classes became more difficult in my sophomore year of high school. I didn't have to take any direct math classes in college, and have pretty much fallen out of practice in anything I can't figure out on a calculator ever since. After a pretty painful conversation with my parents and younger siblings this past Fall, it's been apparent that my lack of realistic mathematic and financial knowledge is something I'm tired of stumbling over, and I'm committed to getting more comfortable with both in 2020. 

7. Make better use of my planner. 

I've kept the same format of journal for the past SEVEN - count 'em! - years, since my Junior year of college, with the Day Designer as my chosen vessel of life organization. It has room for not only a full hourly schedule, but an equally-expansive to do list, on every single page, plus it comes complete with calendar spreads, durable covers and a gold coil like nobody's business. I store pieces of my soul in these things, so the fact that I flip through them at the end of every year, and think to myself, "I could be doing way more with this," is a bit of a problem. This year, I'm committed to using every square inch to its best capabilities. 

8. Write a completed first draft of my 2020 NaNoWriMo project. 

The last time I made much of anything out of a NaNo draft, it was my Horror shorts from way back in 2017, and even then, I only cleaned a couple of them up a little so my Dad could read them. I've been wanting to make more time for fiction writing in my life in general, and in November, I gave myself a gift: my 50,000 didn't encompass a rough draft, necessarily, but a rough outline, with a full story that's still waiting to be told. In this coming year, I really want to do the damn thing right, and dedicate myself to putting together a really great story. At the very least, even if it sucks, I know my brother will read it. 

9. Respond to all emails and texts within 24 hours. 

Hah. Haha. We are only almost two weeks into 2021, and if my track record so far is any indicator, I have not been succeeding on this particular track. I am regarded - in a serial sort of way - among my friends and family as being relatively unable to get ahold of... mostly on purpose. I keep my phone on "do not disturb" semi-permanently, and schedule out important phone calls and FaceTimes at least 24 hours in advance. And in case you're wondering if it's only restricted to direct, digital communication, it's not: I have eight envelopes and postcards sitting on my desk right now, sent by lovely people I care about, that have gone without a response... in some cases, for over two months. Oops.  

10. Improve my sleep habits. 

Those close to me know that on a regular basis, I go to sleep somewhere between 2AM and 4AM, and wakeup somewhat groggily around 930AM. Not only is this not productive, helpful, realistic, healthy, consistent, beneficial to myself or others... I forgot where I was going with that. I'm too tired. It's gotten to the point where, during an episode of The Bachelor last night, a ZzzQuil commercial was airing on TV, and I turned to see my younger sister pointedly glaring at me from the other couch. 

What's in your Top Ten? Let me know, in the comments below!

2020 By the Numbers, and 2021 In My Sights : Stats and Faves

This is going to be a very cut, dry, boring post, for those who are not as completely enraptured by the sound of my hopes and dreams hitting the pavement as I am. 

For the first time in my reading life, I have missed my Goodreads Challenge total goal. 

By ELEVEN BOOKS. 

While I have the utmost regard for anyone who's been able to call 2020 their "best reading year ever" - including my baby brother, who upped his annual goal twice over, from 20 to 60, after it became clear that the only things shaping his senior year of high school were to be a global pandemic and his ability to distract himself with High Fantasy content - it was definitely not the case for me. If I set a record in anything this year, it was number of hours logged into mindlessly doomscrolling various corners of social media, or the total volume of Nerds Ropes eaten in numb disbelief as I did so. 

Still, it's the end of the year, and as the clock has run out, so have my chances of making up that last-ditch deficit. So, here's the numbers for what I actually did manage to read:

the stats 

Pages Read: 15,012

Total Books Read: 49... sort of. 

(I also read 12 romance novels of various stripes that were not included in my Goodreads Challenge, as well as 12 cookbooks, approximately 6 of which probably took more time and attention than many of the books that did make it onto my Goodreads Challenge, as well.) 

Shortest Read: The Silent Gondoliers, William Goldman, at 128 pages

Longest Read: Lair of Dreams (The Diviners #2), Libba Bray, at 613 pages

My total average book length was only a little over 300 pages. 

My most popular read of the year - shared by the highest number of other Goodreads users - was Normal People, by Sally Rooney, I book I really didn't like at all. 

My average star rating across the year was a 4.2, which feels kind of disheartening in retrospect. I know I read some I really loved, but I don't think the overall year of experience warrants something that high. 

Best Reading Months: April and May, with approximately 8 and 9 books each!

Best Romances I Didn't Include in Goodreads Challenge: Sarah MacLean's The Bareknuckled Bastards trilogy... well, at least the first two books. (Look out for the review of the full series later on this Winter.) 

Opinion that has changed the most since I read it: The First Time: Finding Myself and Looking for Love on Reality TV, by Bachelor alum Colton Underwood. Being publicly outed as a stalking, harassing, tracking-locator-planting creep of an ex-boyfriend can definitely lead to reshaped feelings about your memoirs on finding love. 

Best Reread: How to Cook a Wolf, MFK Fisher. A master of her craft and beloved culinary literature fixture for a reason. No wolves were harmed in the making of this book, either, in case you were worried. 

Unexpected Favorite Series: Best American Food Writing. As a kid, I couldn't stomach essay collections, and as an adult, it's one of my favorite formats. This annual collection of various culinary publications - from traditional magazine publishing, to blog posts, to book forwards, and more - is something I've read multiple installments of throughout the year. 

my top ten books of the year

January: The Phantom Tollbooth, Norton Juster

February: Maybe You Should Talk to Someone, Lori Gottlieb

March: How to Cook a Wolf, MFK Fisher

April: My Life with the Saints, Fr. James Martin, SJ

May: Crooked Kingdom (Six of Crows #2), Leigh Bardugo

June: Redshirts, John Scalzi

July: Beka Cooper: Terrier, Tamora Peirce

August: Liar's Club, Mary Karr

September: Paperback Crush, Gabrielle Moss

October: In an Absent Dream (Wayward Children #4), Seanan McGuire

November: Omnivore's Dilemma, Michael Pollan

December: Miss Cecily's Recipes for Exceptional Ladies, Vicky Zimmerman

And my top three of the bunch have got to be: 

So, that's all of the books I did manage to read in 2020, but what about the books I'm planning on reading in the new year? While my TBR stack continues to grow - and my shelves are populated by nearly 200 books I have never read - I've got plenty of ideas, but I'm going nowhere fast if my reading habits stay the same as they were this past year. Here are some changes I'm going to be taking into account for my Goodreads Challenge and bookish hobbies in 2021. 

1. I'm massively lowering my Goodreads Challenge. 

Well, not massively. But it feels massive to me. I've steadily built up my Goodreads Challenge on a yearly basis, never backtracking, simply moving forward or staying at the same level. So it feels a little strange to be giving myself so much room... I'm trying to be positive, and say that this will give me more opportunities to pick up heftier titles I'd otherwise ignore, or that I can always raise the goal higher later, but I'd be lying if I said that this choice wasn't at least partially motivated by the fact that I'm afraid of missing my goal again. (Turning a positive habit into a toxic personal standard? Maybe. But if you saw the pressure I put myself through to make homemade dinners five days a week, you'd know it's not the only arena in which I do that sort of thing.)  

2. I'm making the choice to review and record both my Cookbook and Romance reads on Goodreads, no matter how embarrassed I am about having people I know in real life aware of the dual facts that I enjoy both food and love. 

Mainly, this is a result of two factors: 1. had I included the romance novels I read in my Goodreads Challenge total, I would have finished a full title ahead of my 2020 goal, and 2. my younger brother - one of my primary motivations in life - thinks I'm an absolute weenie for not choosing to do so already. I'm fully aware that stripping out these large populations of my reading life only gives credence to the ideas that they're worth less as reading material, and those are beliefs that I wholeheartedly reject in my personal life, as well. It's time to start putting my reviews where my mouth is. 

3. I'm trying - trying! - to spend less time on social media. 

This is motivated by a truly superfluous amount of factors, but in a large way, has a lot to do with both my personal attention span, and the fact that I just genuinely do not enjoy a lot of the content I engage with regularly online. I'll get trapped in a four-hour time-suck spiral of looking at screenshots of Reddit "AITA" forums on Instagram, and emerge not only wholly dissatisfied, but feeling all the dumber for it. It's time to unhook the talons of my predatory iPhone from my frontal lobe, and reclaim my ability to get through an extra chapter before bed again. 

(And in case you're wondering about my Cookbook challenge from this year - which I only semi-documented on the blog - look for a major recap coming up sometime in the next couple of weeks!)

How did your reading goals shake out in 2020? What were some of your favorite reads of the year? Let me know, in the comments below!