Thursday, March 26, 2020

Covid-19, Self Care, and the Frustrating Privilege of Reading Through A Pandemic


It would be a gross, unconscionable understatement about the state of the world at large, to say that none of us are really having a great time right now. That Coronavirus sucks. That we wish things would just get back to normal. But it also feels like the only way to approach something capable of generating such all-encompassing chaos and frustration, is by purposefully devaluing it, at least by a few hyperbolic levels. Some days, it feels like the only way to make it tolerable. 

Otherwise, there'd be little to stop me from running around the block, screaming my head off, every morning as soon as I wake up.

We've lost out on a lot... and that's including us lucky ones. There are levels to the variety of suffering occurring around the world. People are dying; more people than that are left mourning. People have lost their jobs, and are scared of losing a place to live. On the other hand, people have had to cancel weddings, to give up work opportunities, to say goodbye to important members of their personal circles for a few weeks while they practice social distancing.

All of these things are sad. Every single one of them. Even those of us who haven't been forced into a no-blinking contest with the impossible, still gaze into a future with a lot of uncertainty left in it.

Even in the midst of my panicking, though, I confront - on a daily basis - how astoundingly privileged I am to be facing a national emergency in a comfortable home, with my family, with a full pantry and freezer. I have a cat who's fond of sitting on my lap (occasionally, when she feels like it). The screen of my laptop may be incrementally splintering from its frame, but I've still got one, plus WiFi service. I have my own room, where I can retreat when the action of sharing a house with three other self-isolating people gets to be too much. Every single second of my day is affected by multiple facets of privilege.

I'm blessed with so much, that it's one of the reasons why, in the midst of such tragedy, it feels like it's so impossible to do much of anything.

When it comes to my typical self-care and coping activities that would sustain me through something uncomfortable, there's now a barrier there. A kind of guilt that creeps in... why should I be lucky enough to get that escape? Why do I deserve something to help me cope? Why should be able to exercise forms of self-care, when there are so many other people than me that need much more vital, direct kinds of soothing?

How am I supposed to be able to pick up a book at a time like this?

I'm plagued by at least six different kinds of guilt before breakfast, to arbitrarily defile a Lewis Carroll quote. At any moment, I could be questioning why I'm not doing more, why I'm not building face masks and volunteering at a testing site, why I didn't grow up smarter so that I could have become a doctor, too. I can't just turn around from that, and pick up a romance novel, and pretend that the world isn't on fire when I'm not looking. 

Then again, what can I do? How can I help? Is there any way to not sit around and feel useless all the time, especially in the face of such wide-reaching catastrophe?

As you can tell, I'm working hard through some difficult emotions... we all are. As someone who already experiences a lot of guilt, fear, and frustration in her daily life, trying to function in exaggeratedly bad circumstances has made even the simplest of to-do lists feel insurmountable, and that includes things like reading, or writing for the blog. But I'm working on it.

I'm having a hard time coming up with reasons to put on pants, wash my hair, or move from one location over the course of a day, but I'm working on it.

In the midst of a hurricane, the eye forms a point of seeming normalcy, and it's hard not to look around at my sedate immediate surroundings and feel like disaster doesn't wait just beyond the boundaries of shelter here. But that's no way to live through a time of uncertainty. Things are bad, and scary, and calling them "bad and scary" feels like such a fractional, naive way to describe it... but we have to keep going. Sometimes, the most we can do is just live.

Trying to focus on everything I have is helping me hold onto my sense of perspective and gratitude during this uncertain time. So yes, it's difficult to check out and read right now, to put on a skincare mask and do my nails and try to breathe normally. There's so little I can do to help, but antagonizing myself with a self-inflicted barrage of guilt about that fact certainly isn't helping make anyone's lives better, either.

The most we can all do right now, is try our best, and that includes trying to be a little kinder to yourself. The world is in pain, but that doesn't mean you have to carry more of it than you can bear.

I hope you are able to do this as well, and have at least a few good books to read in the meantime.


Perhaps we can all take a few moments to think of ways to provide for those in more dire straits than us, too. I'm sure you've heard a lot of these - if not all - before, from better sources than me, but it's a nice reminder anyways:
  • Donate extra pantry items you may have panic-bought, but won't necessarily be using, to a local food bank.
  • Use your newfound free time at home to spring clean your closet and cabinets. Look for items like unused socks and toothbrushes, and clean blankets, which might be accepted by local shelters. 
  • Reorganize your bookshelves, and donate them to a Little Free Library in your neighborhood. 
  • Sew emergency face and surgical masks for your local hospitals. Some craft supply chains like Joann Fabrics have a special program running right now that can make the process easier to follow, so definitely check in with your local store. 
  • Reach out to a friend or two you haven't talked to in a while, and see how they're doing. This especially goes for elderly friends or relatives in nursing homes, or those with school-age children, whose caregivers might need a little break. 
  • If you can't make it to your favorite local haunts, try ordering out, or buying a gift card from them, so that they'll have the capital they need to reopen later. 


Here's some of what I've been reading and watching online, to help try and make sense of all the madness. Some of these include really helpful resources for the self-isolating lifestyle, and I hope you find them helpful, too.

A viral video was recently released by The Atlantic, documenting a group of Italian citizens giving messages to their past selves, the version that lived ten days before the pandemic started to directly affect them. My favorite takeaway on crisis management: "Be light in your feelings, but not in your gestures."

I especially loved Bookishly Boisterous' perspective on current developments, given as both a mom and a teacher.

A longtime (re: over-a-decade-long) favorite blogger - Emily from Cupcakes and Cashmere - discusses how she talks to her daughter about "scary things" in times of crisis.  Emily also talks about how to best set yourself up for success when working from home. While not all of us are able to actively work remotely through this crisis, building an effective work model for yourself might be key in helping you and your household manage the change. And finally, Cupcakes and Cashmere came up with a few means of supporting your favorite local businesses and nonprofits through the crisis. 

So did Bon Appetit, with a special focus on how to support your favorite local restaurants... and their staff, who may now be out of a job. They've also got info on how a variety of American foodie businesses and restaurants are having to adapt their practices, staffing, and more as a result of coronavirus closures. 

The staff of The Financial Diet - a millennial-oriented finance website - recommends some of their advice for making the best of staying at home, and what they've made parts of their "crisis kits." They also  give their best advice on how not to let the news overflow get to you. "Scheduling a time to check the news" is a game changer, though not advice I'm necessarily good at following.

Smart Bitches, Trashy Books - in a break from their normal, lovely Romance genre-centered content - gives entirely too many great workout-at-home resources for one post, from YouTubers like Yoga with Adrienne and Blogilates, to bellydancing and "Baby Shark"-themed workouts.

The grocery stores are a bit of a fraught location right now, but hopefully you've been able to bulk up your long-term food storage. If you're in need of recipe inspiration, here's some really great ones from Jeanine and Jack at Love and Lemons, on "pantry recipes," made with mostly shelf-stable ingredients. If you did manage to pick up more produce than you know how to work with on your last shopping trip, they also had a great post about storing and keeping produce long-term, as well as a second post on how to freeze vegetables appropriately!  And furthermore, what, exactly, you can do with the mountain of canned and/or dried beans you impulse-bought from the store while grocery prepping.

Feeling restricted by the contents of your fridge and pantry, or what's left on the shelves of your picked-over local market? Here's a really great list of substitutions that can help you make something new for dinner tonight, courtesy of Mark Bittman, even when it might not fit quite right with the recipe.


Best of luck, to all of us. Please, please take care of yourself. 
Are you doing okay? Let me know, in the comments below:

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